Keeping Balance

A Not So Perfect Perfect Ten?

2012-01-29T18:44:00.000-08:00

The Perfect 10: iconic, rare, and something every little gymnast dreams of.

And this past weekend at the Alamo Classic, Mackenzie Brannan achieved that dream - in J.O! Unheard of! When I saw the headline on Gymnastike, I could not hit play fast enough. It's even on bars, my favorite event! I was so pumped to see some heart-stopping gymnastics.

Here it is:

<iframe title="Capital (Mackenzie Brannan) - 10.00!" width="480" height="270" src="http://www.gymnastike.org/embed/NzY3NTg4MzUx?related=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><p><a href="http://www.gymnastike.org/coverage/247847-Alamo-Classic-2012-Event-Finals">Watch more video of Alamo Classic 2012 Event Finals on gymnastike.org</a></p>

...yeah. Let's all say it together: huh?!

Gymnastike fans were not slow to point out that while it WAS an impressive routine, the form errors just did not make it worthy of the sacred 10. Which ultimately led Braie Speed, who took 2nd after Mackenzie, to jump in to defend Mack:

"ok for everyone being rude and saying that wasn't a 10.. GO AWAY! mack deserved that 10 whether you think she did or not. if you knew mack, you would 100% agree with me saying she deserved that 10. she works so hard to make that bat routine look easy and yall saying it wasn't a 10 is just rude. whether it was a "real 10" as yall are saying, or not she deserved it....don't be jealous just because she can do all that and yall can't."

Braie: it is not rude to point out the glaringly obvious errors in this routine when it is said to be "perfect." If pointing out mistakes in gymnastics is "rude", then should we eliminate judging all together so as to not hurt anyone's feelings?

Honestly, I think it's awesome that Mackenzie gets to say that she scored a perfect ten. That's something she'll hold dear for her entire life. But let's be real, the routine she performed had numerous form breaks that the judges just didn't write down - something that Mackenzie herself can't even deny. Maybe the judges couldn't see properly from the side angle, or maybe they were on drugs (joke), but what's done is done, and that 10 is hers.

Last time I checked, leg separation was a deduction...OOPS was that rude? I mean, she works hard to make that look easy so she should just get a perfect score. Cough.

Hitler's Reaction to Marta's Decision about the Olympic Test Event...and My Own.

2011-12-15T08:30:00.000-08:00

I found this on Gymnastics Coaching, and just had to share. This is absolutely hilarious.

Best line: "Kyla Ross could be competing against Grishina, but instead she'll be at home watching Hannah Montana!" Haha! Props to whoever made this.

Now, although Hitler raises a good point about Ross...can we REALLY see her on the 2012 team? I don't think Marta does, and that's why she isn't wasting anyone's energy on the test event. I love Kyla's form and consistency on beam, but to me, she sort of blends in with the background. Her difficulty doesn't match up with the rest. She strikes me as a "safe" gymnast - and the Olympics is not the place for that.

Thank you to Rick from Gymnastics Coaching for posting this video!

I'd Rather Be a Male Gymnast

2011-12-09T12:20:00.000-08:00

Okay...maybe I should rephrase that. I could definitely do without rings and pommel horse, but instead, I would rather be trained like a male gymnast. Why? Because they know a secret that the girls don't.

When I compare the boys and girls teams at Apollo, something major stands out: on the girl's side, we've got casts, crutches, braces, and ice packs everywhere (and the sullen faces that come with it)...not to mention the noticeable absence of the girls who have recently quit due to injury. And on the boys side? Well, they finally got their first broken bone in ages because of missed footing.

It's not just me that notices this. Just the other week, the girls head coach - Ken Anderson - asked the boys head coach - Jason Furr - why his boys never get injured. Jason laughed and said, "it's a different way of training, man."

So what IS this different way of training? Here are the things I've noticed in my gym:

1. Less hours. Our boys train 18 hours a week, compared to the 25 hours the girls train. But the thing is, the boys get more work done because they practice smarter.

2. Trampoline. Tramp is vastly underutilized. The boys begin every practice with it, starting with basic skills, and only moving on to more difficult skills once they've stuck it. And what do you know? At their most recent meet, the crowd was in awe of all the stuck landings. Not only that, but tramp time really helps their body awareness. We've got guys doing quadruple flips and triple twisting doubles, and they know exactly where they are in space. Super important.

3. Mats! I was always "raised" to think that if you need a mat, you're a baby. But I see our guys lining sting mats down the diagonals when they tumble. Makes a world of a difference on the joints.

4. Bonding. Beginning of the season party, end of the season party, Christmas party, team football...they do it all. They share a special bond with each other...and with their coach. I think it is SO important to build a relationship with your coach! You know, seeing him/her as an actual human being, and as a mentor. I wish I had that, instead of it being the story of the month when one of my teammates saw Tatiana at the mall.

Jason and his boys. Talk about a bond.

But this is only brushing the surface. I don't hear the daily pep talks Jason gives to the guys, but just from watching practice, he's gotta be saying something worth listening to.

Psst..girls' coaches! There's a lot we can learn from the guys! When are we gonna start taking notes?

In Defense of the Side Somi

2011-11-10T10:35:00.000-08:00

I stumbled across a blog post from The E Panel that really got my goat. The post, titled "The Side Somi - a rant", features a picture of Nasita Liukin finishing a side somi on beam, but with a cowboy hat and revolvers photoshopped in. Ha.

The author asks:

"...why would there ever be a coded skill that rewards an ugly takeoff, flight with flexed feet, knees a metre apart and a deep landing?"

Um, because it's bad-ass! It's the rebel skill that dares to be different!

But come on - the "ugly" takeoff is the same exact takeoff as a front ariel (if you're doing it correctly). There's plenty of time in the air to point your toes. And "deep landing?" Geez, whose side somi have you been watching?! If the landing is deep, that means the skill has gone horribly wrong. Front tucks consistently land lower than somis do.

Thankfully, the author recognizes the difficulty of the skill. It's the only skill I can think of on beam that combines a blind landing with an inverted twist (it takes a while to get used to twisting right while your left leg leads the flip). It's rightfully rated a D. Over the summer, I felt the full effects of how frustrating they can be (turn the sound up):

I finally got it, but it's crazy how being just a few centimeters off can ruin the whole skill. My friend Sylvie performs side somis beautifully, in my opinion.

See? Toally BA. Come on, E Panel, give side somis a chance!

A Shout Out to Mrs. B!

2011-11-07T20:10:00.000-08:00

When I was in third grade, I invited my teacher, Mrs. Bigelow, to watch my very first level 7 meet.

Well, ten years later, she was invited to someone else's very first level 7 meet. Mrs. B came to watch one of her current students at the Apollo In-House...and saw me at my very first meet as a USAG coach.

It was a bit of a sentimental day for me, especially since over the summer, I had planned to be competing at that meet. My shoulder thought otherwise (anyone know any good surgeons?).

So here's a little shout out to Mrs. Bigelow: you're still the best teacher I've ever had! Thank you for understanding when I had to leave school early to go to practice, and for yelling at me when I tried to run with my knee braces on. I love you!


Mrs. B (bottom right) watching my first level 7 meet in 2001.

With my little ones at my first meet as a coach, Nov. 2011. So proud of them!

To Weigh or Not to Weigh?

2011-10-02T13:17:00.000-07:00

I remember when I first heard that some gyms weigh their girls - and thanking my guardian angels that my coaches didn't do that to us.

To me, being weighed was something that only happened at the doctor's office (and it's hard enough doing that). There was no WAY I wanted that personal information out there for my coaches and teammates to see. I was already self conscious - and combined with the Binge Eating Disorder, that would have been a disaster.

So I'm wondering - is it within a coach's place to conduct weigh-ins? If you do weigh your gymnasts - what about the girls who are secretly struggling with self-image or eating disorders? What good does it do her for you to know that number?

In my opinion, the time used for weigh ins would be much better spent meeting with a nutritionist. If the goal of weighing is to increase awareness about the importance of maintaining a reasonable weight - then let's do it the healthy and less stress-inducing way. Let's educate our girls on nutrition, explain why extreme dieting fails, and give them the tools they need to feel healthy and in control of their weight, instead of helpless and judged by it.

If there's something I'm missing here, please let me know. And if you're a gymnast who is/has been weighed by your coach, what are your thoughts?

For more about eating disorders in gymnastics, check out my March post.

Thoughts on 2011's World Team

2011-09-22T13:02:00.000-07:00

I'll admit, I was one of the countless gymnastics fans compulsively refreshing Twitter last night. The wait for the announcement of the 2011 World and Pan Am teams was almost painful as we all tweeted our speculations. Would Shawn make it now that Bross and Macko are out with injuries? And then, the wave of excited tweets crashed into our timelines as USAG released the names.

US World Team traveling to Tokyo:

Jordyn Weiber
Alicia Sacramone
Aly Raisman
McKayla Maroney
Anna Li
Gabrielle Douglas
Sabrina Vega

Non-traveling alternate: Shawn Johnson

*Update: Anna Li named alternate due to strained ab muscle. What a BUMMER! Anna's bars gave team USA that WOW factor for bars. We really needed that. Here's to hoping Sabrina Vega, who will be competing, can pick up the slack.

US Pan Am team traveling to Mexico:

Shawn Johnson
Chellsie Memmel
Bridget Sloan
Bridgette Caquatto
Jessie DeZiel
Brandie Jay

*Update: Chellsie Memmel withdraws from team due to shoulder injury; has surgery to repair a torn biceps tendon. Grace McLaughlin steps in.

Interesting, right? Mostly veterans for Pan Ams, and mostly newcomers for Worlds. Well, looks like having a name means squat to the selection committee. Which, in my opinion, is how it should be. Yes, Johnson, Memmel, and Sloan are 2008 Olympic medalists, but that was 4 years ago - in gymnastics years, that's a lifetime. All three have had significant injuries, and significant time out of the gym. Sacramone, the only Olympian to be named to the World team, has been in the gym the longest. I absolutely adore Alicia and think she will bring great leadership to the relatively inexperienced team.

So, while the committee may have made an unpopular decision (I think we all wanted Shawn just because it's Shawn), overall we're going in with a very strong team. Li and Douglas will help make up for the loss of our bar specialists, Maroney will dominate on vault, and the rest are pretty obvious - although I'm still confused about Vega.

Needless to say, I am PUMPED for October. Hopefully our veterans will keep it up and be ready for next year! As Shawn tweeted: "....so I wasn't the best pick for the team...YET. But I will be."

Thoughts? Insights?

Need a Little Inspiration?

2011-09-18T18:23:00.000-07:00

...then watch this every day when you wake up. Then copy the words down and hang it in your bedroom where you can clearly see it.

Live life with an attitude like THIS, and suddenly the impossible can fall within your reach. Thanks for tweeting, Nastia. Chills!

In Remembrance of September 11, 2001

2011-09-11T12:24:00.000-07:00

I went to school that morning with a leotard in my backpack, just like always. I got called out early for practice, just like always. But something wasn't right - nearly every other kid at Signal Hill Elementary got called out early as well. And when my mom picked me up, we went straight home instead of to the gym. That afternoon, as the nation was at a stand still, I learned the meaning of devastation.

The next day at practice, every leotard in sight was either red, white, or blue.

It's hard to believe this was ten whole years ago. It's hard to believe that I was alive for it - while all of the kids I coach only know the stories, the pictures. But I do believe this - that ever since September 11, 2001, our flag has waved a little brighter, a little prouder.

In memory of those we lost and continue to lose in the name of freedom. United we stand!

Through the Eyes of a Gymnast

2011-08-27T21:30:00.000-07:00

Ever wish ordinary people could understand what it's like to be a gymnast? To work the long hours, fight through the pain, battle the internal struggles? Even further, ever wish your friends could feel what it's like to DO gymnastics? Things that to us, are second nature...but to them, are completely CRAZY?

Well, thanks to my iPhone and the wonderful thing that is duct tape, those non-gymnast friends of yours are going to appreciate you on a whole new level.

This is gymnastics, through my eyes.

Some of you may have been able to tell what I was doing, but just for clarification: the first pass was a round off, back handspring, double pike. The second was a round off, back handspring, full twisting double back. The third clip was just 4 giants to a flyaway, and the fourth was a cast, swing half turn, giant, giant, full twisting double layout.

Seeing this really gets me thinking about the lightning fast rate at which we have to think and act. I mean, the double pike pass is literally 3 seconds - so one second per skill on average. In ONE second, we have to think about what we have to do to EVERY part of our body, and then apply it - jump high, open hips, open shoulders, head in, grab legs, straighten legs, point toes, pull two rotations, spot the landing, open up, land on feet. And what if something goes wrong, as things sometimes do? We're talking milliseconds to make an educated decision on how to position our body so that we land (relatively) safely.

This could also open up loads of possibilities for the world of coaching. For example, I can tell from watching this that I twisted a little too early on my full in back out. Watching a skill done correctly from this point of view could really help kids with visual cues and timing. And mental blocks! Got a kid who won't go for a fly away? Have her watch one from 1st person over, and over, and over again. Psychological training. I also just learned that yes, I do hold my breath while tumbling.

I should definitely make more of these. I would have done more today, but I started hearing things like "is that duct tape?" and "why does she have her phone strapped to her stomach..." from the cheerleaders doing open gym. Not to mention the moms on the balcony staring at me. I probably looked a little stupid, but hey, I think the result is pretty cool. If there's any skill in particular you'd want to see through a gymnast's eyes, let me know.

And if this doesn't make your friends respect you even a little bit more than they already do...well, they can kiss my grips!

Sunday Rant: The Most Useless Skill in Gymnastics

2011-07-10T00:05:00.000-07:00

I have to confess, there is a skill in compulsory gymnastics that really, really, irritates me. Not because it's hard to do, or hard to teach, but because it is completely USELESS.

And that skill would be...the mill circle.

Think about it...you use pull-overs for the rest of your gymnastics career; back hip circles prep for free hip circles; front hip circles prep for kips (to a certain degree)...but what does the mill circle do? Nothing! There is NO benefit from learning that skill because there will never be a time in higher level gymnastics where you'll have to utilize that position.

I suppose it could get you cool points on the playground to say you can spin around a bar on your crotch...but other than that, it's just a waste of time. I would much rather use my time on bars to teach my girls things they'll be seeing in the years to come, instead of an awkward skill that they'll probably only see once (for no other reason but to have something to separate the levels).

And that's my rant. I'll leave you with this video of Camryn's level 4 bar routine (for those of you who aren't familiar with the mill circle, it's the weird looking thing she does 35 seconds in). I chose it simply for the mother's reaction.

In the Spirit of Independence Day, a Flashback to 2001

2011-07-04T13:29:00.000-07:00

Anyone who knows me knows how much I LOVE my country and our soldiers! These days, I volunteer and pay visits to the wounded at Walter Reed...but at 8 years old, gymnastics was all I knew! And so, when it came to showing my appreciation, gymnastics is what I did.

In 2001, at Manassas Airport's annual Freedom Festival, I performed a dance in honor of our soldiers. I just recently got a hold of the footage from my Golden Knight buddy Bryan, so in the spirit of this great holiday, I'm sharing it with you! Take it away, Kelly...

I made the routine up on the spot, and I was so nervous that I'd look like a goofball. But the soldiers who were there watching seemed to get the message - THANK YOU FOR MAKING OUR COUNTRY SO AMAZING!

Happy 4th of July everyone!

June Update!

2011-07-03T09:42:00.000-07:00

As we enter the awesome month of July (birthday month!), it's time to quickly share a few updates that June brought!

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY

First, in terms of blogging and whatnot...you can now find me on Gymnastike! I am SO happy to be a part of this website because, well, it's a part of my everyday life. My first guest blog was my "Leotard Memories" post, but keep looking out for more.

Also, I updated "Meet the Gang" and "About Me", located on the tabs up top. They were a bit out of date.

In terms of gymnastics...well, I officially have a goal - to compete on a college team. I plan on using my freshman year at Mason to train hard and get some solid routines, and hopefully be able to transfer to a school with a womens team next year. It was always my dream to be a college gymnast (after I figured out the Olympics was probably a bit beyond my reach), and now that my passion is back, I'm going to act on it. I've still got a shot. If anyone has any tips or words of advice, please share!

Also, the exciting coaching opportunity I talked about a few posts back? Well, I can now say that I will be coaching Apollo's level 4s this fall! Not that I don't love teaching recreational classes, but...let's just say I'll be more in my element coaching on the team side. Wahoo!

Can't wait to get back in the gym when it reopens on Tuesday. I have a lot of work ahead of me, but I'm ready. It's like I'm a born-again gymnast! I LOVE IT.

Everyone have a great 4th of July weekend!

The Unfortunate Truth About Vacations

2011-06-28T15:49:00.000-07:00

Apollo is currently on break right now. We have one week off at the beginning of the summer, and another week off at the end of the summer. And even though it's only been a few days, I'm so stressed out that I can't do gymnastics. The best part of my day was going to the gym! What am I supposed to do now, have free time? And my students! I'm so stressed out that they're not in the gym either. They better be doing conditioning at home!
...Oh my god...did I just say that?

Back at Capital, we had a two week break at the end of August. The countdown would begin as soon as season was over in May. "Only 46 more practices until break! We can make it!"

Of course our coaches suggested we run and do conditioning during our vacations...but by the end of the summer we were so worn out from our training that working out was the LAST thing on our minds. The most I did during break were a few back-handsprings on the beach (strange how addicting that is). We could finally eat dinner with our families, travel, and what was that word again? Oh yeah, RELAX.

But as much as every gymnast looks forward to FINALLY being free, vacations mean two things: losing your skills, and falling out of shape. It's not as if we were suddenly back at square one, but when you're in the upper levels, two weeks is a long time to be out of practice! And according to doctors, it should take you the amount of time you were out to get back to where you were. So by mid-September, we were back on track. That's four whole weeks of no progress.

I see a potential solution to this problem. First, let's make the average training week less intense. If I were a head coach, I'd hold summer practices Monday through Friday for 5 hours (with a 15 minute snack break), with Wednesday being 3 hours of just conditioning, dance, and basics to fine-tune the little things. The result is happier, healthier, and less stressed gymnasts. And when break rolls around - which shouldn't be more than a week long - they will be less overwhelmed and more motivated to work out during that time off. It's not rocket science. Just a thought!

Only six more days until break is over! I can make it!


Typical gymnast on vacation.

A Vow to the Handstand on Its Special Day

2011-06-26T11:44:00.000-07:00

I vow to hit EVERY handstand like this.

I went on Gymnastike this morning, and discovered that today is International Handstand Day! I never knew such a day existed, but it's about time someone recognized that the handstand is significant enough to get its own day!

So in celebration of this wonderful holiday, I am making a vow to Mr. Handstand.

Dear Mr. Handstand,

I vow to never insult you again by coming up short on my cast handstands. I will also stop worrying about how my butt looks when it's squeezed upside down, and just squeeze it, because it is vital in creating your beautiful handstand shape. I also promise that when I'm holding you for 60 seconds, I won't come down early or start counting extra fast in the last ten seconds. In addition to fixing my own handstands, I shall pass your message on to my students, making sure they never pike their hips or arch their backs while practicing you. Without you, Mr. Handstand, there would be no gymnastics. For that I am thankful, and I hereby vow to make you proud, extending tall through the tips of my pointed toes wherever and whenever you are practiced. Happy Handstand Day!

Signed,
Courtney Keating

I hope all of my gymnast-readers and coach-readers add their name to the vow! Comment your name (or initials, or code name) and I'll add you to the list!

Happy International Handstand day to all! Wherever you may be, be sure to carve out some time to be on your hands...I certainly do!

VA Beach, Virginia


Angel Island, California

George Mason University, Fairfax VA

The World's Most Talented Baby!

2011-06-23T10:26:00.000-07:00

I will not become a gym-aunt, I will not become a gym-aunt...

This past weekend, my one year old nephew Liam reached a huge milestone in his development. No, he can't really run or jump yet...no, he can't put words together...but my God, he can do a forward roll by himself. Hold on just a second, while I express my feelings about this.

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
JDHSDJHDOFJGIWEJRO;WETGHjrG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, I'm back. And now, without further ado, here is Liam (AKA the world's most talented baby) in His First Forward Roll Ever. Be sure to turn the volume up a bit, so you can hear his adorable giggles of joy.

In case you were wondering, the screaming lunatic when Liam makes it is me. But can you blame me? Clearly, he knows exactly what he's doing! He has good form, and understands that he has to tuck his head in order to roll. If this isn't natural talent, I don't know what is...but huge props go to his mommy Erin for starting his training early.

The plan is to enroll him in my Parent-Tot class at Apollo when be becomes of age (18 months) in October. But he's already way ahead of the game - see, the Parent-Tot kiddos only do forward rolls on the wedge mat. Uh, wedge mat shmedge mat! At this rate, he'll be an Olympic champion! I say that in good humor, but secretly I know he can do it.

Nope, there is no underlying message in this blog post about the dangers of becoming a gym-mom, or how genetics play a roll in athleticism...I am simply a proud auntie, showing off her talented nephew! Did I mention that he's only one? Go Liam!

DADDY NO! I WANT GYMNASTICS, NOT SWIMMING!

For more of Liam, check out my sister Erin's blog here.

Leotard Memories

2011-06-16T08:12:00.000-07:00

I don't think "normal" people understand what a leotard really is to a gymnast. Yes, they're uncomfortable at times, but a gymnast relies on her leotard to hold her up and carry her through each practice. They are with us through everything, creating memories that no detergent can wash away. Some leos even take on personalities of their own. And when a leo is lost, stolen, ripped, or becomes too small - well quite frankly, it's devastating. When I accidentally left my favorite leotard in a gas station bathroom, and discovered the owner had put it in the dumpster, I was practically in a state of mourning. We're so eager to get out of those nasty, wedgie-inducing things, but we'd be lost without them.

I was going through my garage the other day when I found them all. They were angrily stuffed into three black bags and thrown into a corner. That was when I was glad to be rid of everything and anything gymnastics-related. But when I dumped them out of those bags, I started to cry. Not only because of the overwhelming memories I was reliving, but because I had planned on selling them. I realized right then just how much my dear leotards mean to me. I don't care that more than half of them haven't fit me in ten years, they will NEVER be sold. I will carry these guys to my grave.

Here are just a fraction of my leotard memories.

May your leotards stay with you forever!

The Beam Mount Debate

2011-06-13T13:27:00.000-07:00

The most embarrassing thing ever is to fall on your beam mount. That's why, when I competed, I played it safe and just sort of hopped on. I always dreamed of having an awesome and unique mount, and even learned a few during practice, but I could never bring myself to compete them. I didn't want to risk any bobbles or falls, and I wanted to get the routine over and done with in the least amount of work possible. I had no patience for a mount I had to actually think about.

I completely regret that way of thinking now. There is NO room for timidness in gymnastics. A routine should be dazzling, start to finish. But at the same time, taking risks on a mount can lead to pulling an Alicia Sacramone. Perhaps Alicia scared team USA away from doing awesome mounts, because you just don't see them anymore! Besides, of course, the painfully boring and overused press-handstand mount.

This is the only argument some gymnasts need for playing it safe.

So I ask: what is your beam mount, and do you think gymnasts should save their energy and play it safe? Or, wow the crowd and make a grand entrance? And if you're looking to upgrade, here's a little inspiration from the past.

Why I Love Working with Kids!

2011-06-10T07:11:00.000-07:00

"I painted you a picture, Miss Courtney!"

No further explanation needed!

I Climbed the Rope Today...and Other Exciting News

2011-06-07T21:29:00.000-07:00

After I finished coaching today, a weird spirit possessed me and forced me to climb the rope. I mean, I never even climbed the rope during my actual practices at Capital! I stopped THAT silly exercise once I figured out you could stand by it, wait until the coaches weren't looking, and then pretend you had just hopped off once they look again - hard breathing and all. Yup, rope was one of the Evil Stations That Must Be Skipped, along with leg lifts and press-handstands. I hadn't realized just how long it'd been since I'd done a full rope climb until I started my descent...I had forgotten about you, inner-thigh-rope-burn!

Now that I know I'm not a total lost cause, I can get started on my three-page long basic gymnastics work-out. Having mono has REALLY set me back (still not back to an acceptable energy level) - which is why you haven't seen any comeback updates - but I hope to at least do the workout twice a week. I'll post the workout soon; it's great for gymnasts who are coming back from a break, injury, or who just want a nice solid conditioning set. For now, I'm my own coach, and I'm simply concerned with the basics: strength, endurance, flexibility, and body positions.

In other news...I have officially finished high school. Yay! I can't wait for GMU in the fall. I'm also very close to finishing my first full season as a coach. I've learned a lot, and am extremely pleased with my girls' progress. For the summer, I'll be coaching pre-team and the Advanced programs...but I'm also exploring some other very exciting coaching opportunities that are still being worked out.

Now, where is that hand relief cream...

A Story About Peanut Butter

2011-05-28T15:23:00.000-07:00

I wrote this little essay the other day, and it made me realize just how much gymnastics touches the little things in life. Enjoy.

A Story About Peanut Butter

I used to never eat peanut butter. It smelled yucky. But today, if you hand me a spoon, the first thing I’ll do is head for the jar of Jif, which now holds a special place in my heart and in my pantry.

I was enjoying a little scoop of that nutty delight just today, when suddenly I was eight years old again, reliving the moment when my relationship with peanut butter changed forever.

The color yellow fills my memory, as this was the tint of the mess hall that day at IGC – the International Gymnastics Camp, in Stroudsburg, Pennsylvania. All of the gymnasts in cabin 26 were finishing up their dinners – macaroni and cheese, or something summer camp-ish like that – when suddenly the symphony of chattering little girls was overtaken by the most angry thunderstorm I had ever been alive for.

The wind sent tree branches flying through the darkened sky, the rain sounded more like bushels of silverware being dumped on the roof, and the thunder rumbled our nerves as well as it did the building.

“Stay away from the windows!” the counselors shouted.

A few of the younger girls were frightened, but with my big sister by my side, I felt brave enough to act like I was unaffected. In fact, the storm was cool. And when a voice came over the loudspeaker announcing that we were “not to leave the mess hall until further notice”…well that changed everything. We were officially in an adventure.

So, there we were: a bunch of little gymnasts at summer camp, trapped in a cafeteria. We had to pass the time somehow…

One by one, my friends came back to our table with “dessert”, the most popular item being open-faced peanut butter sandwiches. They called it peanut butter bread.

“Try it! You’ll love it!” they urged. Peer pressure kicked in. Well gee, I can’t be the ONLY one not gorging on peanut butter bread…they’d call me a chicken if I didn’t try it!

And so off I marched to the peanut butter table. Yes, a table just for peanut butter creations – something I would be drooling over if I saw today. It contained bags and bags of white bread, a plethora of different PB varieties, oozing jars of honey, and a container of shiny silver knives. I cannot recall there being any jelly, which in hindsight, seems quite strange.

I do remember, however, how soft the bread felt in my hands as I carried my creation back to the table. And the butter, how it glistened! The scent of it - warm, almost melted - filled my nose. I waited for the yuck-factor to kick in, but something was different. It smelled…seductive.

I had about six pieces of PB bread that evening, but I would have had more if the storm hadn’t passed so quickly. Before I knew it, we were being lined up to return to cabin 26. Stay in line, lights out in ten minutes. Practice tomorrow morning at nine.

Peanut butter will never taste as good as it did that day. But every now and then, I’ll treat myself to some old school peanut butter bread. And when I do, my eyes close. My pulse rises from a storm that isn’t there. And I see wide-eyed children all around me, awaiting my reaction as I give in to the seduction of summer adventure.

Where Did the "Artistic" Part Go in "Artistic Gymnastics"?

2011-05-25T09:58:00.000-07:00

I have mono. Boo. So I've had a lot of time to watch endless videos of gymnastics on YouTube, leading me to ask:

Where on earth did the ARTISTIC part go in "artistic gymnastics"? This has bothered me for quite a while, but the hours of watching hideous floor routines on the internet has put me at my wit's end. There I was looking for some entertainment, and I wound up even sleepier than I was!

Don't get me wrong, tumbling is essential, and there should be plenty of it. But the dance in between needs to be nothing less than captivating - instead of boring posing (that doesn't even go with the music) to get you from diagonal to diagonal. This is the only reason why I'm glad Nastia won over Shawn in Beijing - Nastia is a beautiful dancer whose floor music and dance was just as pleasant as her tumbling.

Or, on a smaller scale, take Alex McMurtry, the 2011 Junior A JO National champ. Her tumbling is amazing! But is there even a tune to her music? Is there anything at ALL interesting about her choreography? It's terrible, and I was so disappointed that no one took the care to give her something better than...that. I can see she has potential to have nice dance, but what she's doing now does nothing for her.

Trust me, I've seen much worse. But if another girl did the same exact tumbling passes, but with GOOD music and actually DANCED...who are you going to give the gold medal to? The second girl of course, because she didn't ignore one of the most important parts of the sport. But I suppose gymnastics is evolving - they want more difficulty, more power, more tumbling. But can't those two seconds between your first and second pass be a little more interesting than just lifting an arm (maybe put the other arm on your hip if you're feeling really fiesty)?

And really, enough with the monotone techno crap. It's a sorry excuse for floor music, and leaves no room for artistry. And stop smiling when you have serious music. Know the right expressions to make, tell a story with your movement, and put on a show. I am so sick of watching girls look like they're about to fall asleep between each pass.

And that's the end of my rant. If this problem is EVER fixed, I will die happy.

Rewarding Gymnasts For Winning: Bad Parenting 101

2011-05-13T18:29:00.000-07:00

I just about choked when I heard this come out of one of my seven year olds: "My mom told me that if I get first, second, or third place at the meet, I get one hundred dollars!"

THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS WRONG WITH THIS. OMG.

First of all, we're talking about a fun, low key, rec-program "meet" that has about 40 kids competing in it, all from Apollo. Secondly, she's seven! What in the world is she going to do with $100? Do seven year olds even comprehend what a hundred dollars is worth?

But most importantly, this is just BAD parenting. Giving a child a money reward (or any kind of reward other than hugs and kisses) for winning will kill his or her intrinsic motivation. And eventually, turn the kid into a materialistic snob (I've seen it happen) with no sense of what hard work is really about. Some of the girls I know got new cameras, phones, even laptops for winning. You know what I got if I won? A gold medal. And pride.

The only acceptable "reward" I can think of would be if you said to your gymnast: "You were working really hard tonight and I can tell you're tired and hurting...how about we go get smoothies?" In this case, you're simply comforting your daughter and showing her that you care. But honestly, if it's anything more than that, you're a self-absorbed gym-mom who wants the glory of having given birth to a champion. If your excuse is that you're trying to motivate your gymnast to do his/her best, then there's a whole new problem - if the motivation isn't coming from within, then he/she's probably in the wrong sport. I've been drilling it into my kids' heads that this upcoming meet is NOT about winning - it's about having fun and trying your absolute best.

If you can't tell, this pisses me off to no end. This DEFINITELY needs to be in The Ten Commandments for Gymnastics Parents: Thou shalt NOT reward thy child with material items for reaching achievements in gymnastics."

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this one.

The Most Athletic People in the World are Gymnasts - Science Proves It!

2011-05-13T16:34:00.000-07:00

FINALLY - scientific evidence is available to the public that gymnasts are the most athletic of all the athletes. Thank you ESPN SportScience for giving us the recognition we deserve!

Awesome! By the way, that girl's pak salto really bothers me because she has a little too much rotation...and did anyone else think that the host guy was Justin Spring at first?!

Anyways, I saw this video shortly after watching the previous one, in which UFC champion GSP explains why he's beginning to incorporate gymnastics into his training. My favorite quote is: "Nobody can reproduce the movement of gymnastic guys, but gymnastic guys can reproduce the movement of everyone. They're the most athletic athlete in the world."

I'm a happy camper right now. Go gymnasts!

Time for a Comeback.

2011-05-07T19:57:00.000-07:00

I suppose I have some explaining to do. Here's the sequence of events that led up to this decision:

1. I looked in the mirror. I didn't like what I saw, so I lost 15 pounds.
2. I realized that being in better shape made me feel happier, but that I am happiest when I am exhausted from my workout - exhausted from running and tumbling and soaring and flying and catching and dancing and pushing.
3. After a few months of feeling this itch that I'm not done with gymnastics, I suddenly KNEW that Courtney Keating is NOT done with gymnastics.

I found an opportunity to get back into "practice mode" when the head coach of Apollo left for Nationals. No head coach means practice is laid back - which is ideal for the first practice in over a year! And yesterday, I am proud to say, I made it through the four-hour level 9/10 workout. I was very amused to find that the Head-Coach-Is-Gone-Let's-Party mindset is universal, and not just specific to Tatiana.

The practice had its ups and its downs. I was just so darn happy to be back in a leotard, covered in chalk and following a structured practice schedule. It felt so natural, so right. And all of the girls were welcoming and fun. But I was discouraged to discover that I actually felt fear when I tried to go for some of the skills I used to love. I wouldn't go for my pak salto, and didn't even consider trying to take my side somi onto the high beam. Quite honestly, I wanted my old coach Alex, and kept asking myself: what would Alex say, what would Alex say...

Needless to say, I've got a lot of hard work ahead of me. I don't even know what my end goal is, I just know that I would severely regret not giving this a try. For now, I plan on working on getting my basic strength and endurance back, and building up from there.

The "before" picture at my first practice in over a year. I totally forgot to take an "after" picture...oops.

Well, I guess this blog post makes it official - I was iffy about it just five minutes prior to writing this - but Courtney Keating is coming back.

And by the way, I am so freaking sore.

The Ten Commandments for Gymnastics Parents

2011-04-27T09:23:00.000-07:00

The owner of Apollo Gymnastics recently found this online and taped it to the door to the gym: The Ten Commandments for Gymnastics Parents.

1. Thou shalt not impose your ambitions on the child.

Remember that gymnastics is your child's activity and she will progress at her own speed. It can never be a positive thing when a parent is forcing a child to do a sport that she does not want to do. The best part about gymnastics is that it does not matter whether you finish first or last, rather the wonderful lessons each girl will learn as she strives to do her best.

Courtney says: pushing your daughter to do what YOU want will only suck the life out of her. Like it says above, this is HER sport. And unless you were a gymnast too, you'll never understand what she goes through.

2. Thou shalt be supportive no matter what.

There is only one question to ask you child. "Did you have fun?" If meets and practice are not fun, your daughter should not be forced to practice.

Courtney says: I agree, but let's face it: when you get to higher levels, practices aren't that fun. Instead, the question should be: "was practice productive?"

3. Thou shalt not coach your child.

You have taken your child to a professional coach. Do not undermine that coach by trying to coach your child on the side. Your role is to support, love and hug your daughter no matter. The coach is responsible for the technical part of the job. You should not offer advice on technique or skill selection. That is not your area. This will not only serve to confuse your child and prevent that gymnast/coach bond from forming.

Courtney says: I cannot stress this enough. There is nothing more infuriating as a coach to see your student perform a skill, and instead of looking at you for instruction, she looks up at the balcony, where her mom or dad is making hand signals. Really?! I've been in gymnastics longer than you've been a parent, and you think you know better?

4. Thou shalt only have positive things to say at competitions.

If you are going to attend a gymnastics meet you should cheer and applaud but never criticize your daughter or her coach.

Courtney says: YES. If we screwed up on beam, you really don't need to point it out - we're already beating ourselves up about it.

5. Thou shalt acknowledge they child's fears.

It is a normal human reaction for a child to be scared when attempting new skills or competing. Do not yell or belittle your daughter, just assure her that her coach would not have her attempt the skill or put her in the competition is she was not ready for it.

Courtney says: You try standing on a four inch beam and blindly flip backwards! Gymnastics is pretty unnatural, and therefore fears are natural. Live with it, and just be supportive.

6. Thou shalt not criticize the judges.

There is much more to judging than you think and each judge has had to pass a test to do what she/he does. There are many routine requirements that the general spectator is completely unaware of that certainly have a factor on the final score. No one is perfect, but it is without question that they know more than you.

7. Honor thy child's coach.

The bond between the coach and gymnast is a special one, and one that contributes to your child's success as well as enjoyment. Do not criticize her coach in her presence because it will only add to the many distractions she must already deal with during her gymnastics training and performance.

8. Thou shalt not jump from club to club.

The floor exercise carpet always seems bluer at another gym. Every team has its own internal problems, even teams that build champions. Children who switch from gym to gym are often ostracized by teammates they leave behind. Often times, gymnast who do switch teams never do better than they did before they sought the 'bluer carpet'. However one club will not please everyone and you need to find the club where you will fit best.

Courtney says: we have another name for families who go from gym to gym, but it's not exactly polite...

9. Thou shalt have goals besides winning.

Encourage your daughter to do her best. Giving an honest effort no matter what the outcome is much more important than winning.

10. Thou shalt not expect thy child to become an Olympian.

There are 71,649 athletes participating in competitive gymnastics. There are only 7 spots available for the Olympic Team every four years. Your child's odds of becoming on Olympian are 1 in 149,030. You can understand how difficult it is to become an Olympian because the odds are you have never been one yourself even though you, as a child, probably wanted to be. Gymnastics is much more than Olympics! Chances are your daughter's coach was not an Olympian, but still received enough out of gymnastics that they want to pass their love for the sport onto others. Gymnastics teaches so many virtues while building self-esteem, life long friendships and much more. Olympians will tell you that these intangibles far outweigh any medals they may have won. Gymnastics builds good people and you should be happy that your child wants to participate.

Just thought I'd share...I think this should be on the doors to EVERY gym!

Gymnastics In: Pop Culture

2011-04-21T10:33:00.000-07:00

No. Just no.

I think I speak for all gymnasts when I say that movies and television shows portray gymnastics TERRIBLY. There is NOTHING in the movie "Stick It" or the show "Make It or Break It" that's realistic. Let's name a few:

1. Routines that are five seconds long and contain two skills.
2. Competing a FLY AWAY as a bar dismount at an international competition.
3. Break-dancing on the beam.
4. Looking like Barbie dolls at practice.
5. Walking into practice for the first time since breaking your back and perfectly executing a Shaposh on bars. No rehab, no building back into it, no warming up, nothing.
6. Audiences that gasp and come to a stand still when someone falls off the beam.

Grrrr!!!

These are the most common offenses, but there are dozens more. At least "Stick It" had some redeemable qualities, and showed actual elite gymnastics. But "Make It or Break It" is simply infuriating. The actresses don't even have gymnast bodies - they just look like ordinary girls they picked off the street. But the number one thing that bothers me? Their salutes. They look SO fake. Couldn't they at least film the salutes from behind, and have a real gymnast stand in?

Excuse me for ranting, but I don't understand why the producers don't hire gymnastics consultants. It's downright insulting.

Gymnastics In: Literature

2011-04-18T17:37:00.000-07:00

When I was twelve, I came across the book Little Girls in Pretty Boxes, by Joan Ryan. It was exactly what I needed to confirm that gymnastics was the most evil of all sports. I knew that I was miserable, that my eating was getting strange, and that I was constantly in pain. But Julissa Gomez DIED after doing a Yerchenko vault? Christy Henrich DIED of anorexia after a judge told her to lose weight?

Non-gymnastic families who have read the book are probably scarred for life and will never EVER go within a five mile radius of a gymnastics facility. And current gymnasts who read the book will probably want to quit on the spot. Me, I was satisfied. I wanted to say, "see what hell I live in?" I suppose that's why coaches and gym parents hate this book - it only showcases the extreme side of it, and "makes gymnastics look bad." And when Chalked Up by Jennifer Sey rolled around, I was told not to read it, because it was just making gymnastics look bad again.

I re-read Ryan's book the other day, and my perspective has definitely changed. And that's because I know that gymnastics has changed. The book was published in 1995 (and Sey's story is from the 80s and 90s)...so during the time of Ryan's research, these horrors were truly occurring. Yeah, the gymnastics world DID want 85 pound girls, but look at our most recent Olympic team: athletic, not dainty. Yeah, elites were forced to ignore broken bones, but I know first hand that injuries are now respected and taken very seriously. Parents, as long as your gymnasts know this before reading these books, the censoring isn't necessary.

Of course, gymnastics will never be perfect or easy. It's still pretty brutal, and girls all over the world are still cracking under the pressure. But as for Little Girls in Pretty Boxes...I now view it as proof of how gymnastics has evolved for the better...and as a warning to never let it get that bad again.

Beth Tweddle is My Hero

2011-04-17T18:33:00.000-07:00

Perfect form, high-flying release moves, ridiculous combinations...Beth Tweddle's bar routine is MY dream bar routine. No wonder she's the Euro champ on this event!

Props for her incredible save at the beginning, too. Beth, you are my hero!

Help Out a Coach!

2011-04-15T11:37:00.000-07:00

Angela Policella - a reader of mine from Ontario - started coaching a few years back simply to snag an extra buck or two... but wound up becoming completely enchanted by the world of gymnastics. She started small by teaching recreational classes a couple nights a week, but gradually worked her way up to becoming the coach of two successful competitive teams.

Angela submitted her story in the Ontario Coaches contest, which rewards the author with the most votes $500 towards his or her club.

Read her full story and be sure to vote HERE!

Don't worry, Angela - I've got your back!

How to Spot a Gymnast Out of a Crowd

2011-04-14T08:33:00.000-07:00

My friend and fellow gymnast, Michael Deitz, came to watch Copacabana - the musical I danced in for my high school. One of the very first comments he made to me was that he could instantly spot who I was amongst of the crowd of dancers because of...my gymnast hands.

See if you agree with Michael - this is the Dream Ballet dance, and I'm on the far right when the video begins. You may want to make it full-screen to get the full effect. :)

The flicked wrists, the fingers...God, I have such gymnast hands. Oh well, I wouldn't have them any other way!

Binge Eating Disorder Featured in Seventeen Magazine!

2011-03-31T20:04:00.000-07:00

I happened to be flipping through Seventeen a few minutes ago, when I saw an article called "the secret new eating disorder". It immediately caught my attention, because I knew it had to be about binge eating. Sure enough, Seventeen is raising awareness about BED! I am SO happy that this disorder is getting some recognition. And since millions of girls read this magazine, at least a few won't feel so alone anymore.

The article provided a lot of helpful information that I'd like to share:

Normal eating VS Binge Eating Disorder

- eating because you're hungry? Normal.
- choosing food over friends, eating in secret, or hiding food in your room? BED.

- stuffing yourself once in a while? Normal.
- constantly feeling ashamed and hating yourself because you eat too much? BED.

- overeating when you've had a bad day? Normal.
- starving yourself to make up for a binge? BED.

- staying at a fairly steady weight? Normal.
- swinging up and down dramatically with your weight? BED.

Unfortunately, I've experienced all of the above BED symptoms (and the article mentioned that being forced to keep your weight down -like in gymnastics - is a cause)...but here are some links and resources to get help.

www.bedaonline.com

Food: The Good Girl's Drug: How to Stop Using Food to Control Your Feelings by Sunny Sea Gold

Copacabana!

2011-03-30T19:17:00.000-07:00

Dancing in your high school's spring musical may not seem like a big deal...but for me, it's HUGE. It will be my first time performing in over a year, and I LIVE for performing. I love it! On a stage, everyone watching you, showing off what you can do...what's not to love? I guess it's the same for most gymnasts, why else would we subject ourselves to being judged on every single movement?

Anyways, rehearsals are every day now and I'm getting so excited. I'm in six dance numbers - in which I am a show girl, a ballerina looking for love, a tough pirate, a glamorous flirt, and a Cuban cha-cha chick. SO COOL.

I'm so thankful that I stayed in gymnastics because I discovered my passion for dancing. But I'm also thankful for quitting gymnastics, because now I have the opportunity to dance in a musical and actually consider going to a summer dance intensive.

And by the way, if you live in the area, come see Osbourn Park's Copacabana! Great show, great cast, great dancing. April 7-9, at 7:30 each night. YAY.

The Two Opposing Emotions of Gymnastics

2011-03-28T09:45:00.000-07:00

I recently uploaded a video to my YouTube channel showing the most common emotions of gymnastics - joy and frustration.

The video uses the example of me trying to catch a Jeager - when you don't catch you're like, "what the BLEEP! WHY am I trying to catch a dumb bar?!" But when you finally grasp that bar after applying all your force and technical knowledge to do a full rotation mid-air...you know exactly why you're trying. It's not just about holding onto a bar - it's so much more.

And after going through my gymnastics folder, I found two pictures that perfectly show the two sides to gymnastics.

The thrill of getting a new skill - JOY, ELATION, and just a feeling of complete love for the sport.


And then there's depression, frustration, and anger. This is a candid shot of me during the period where I had injury after injury, and was getting seriously depressed. You can see how my face is just completely void of happiness. I just look...blah.

Of course there are many other emotions involved in this sport, but these are two most common and most contrasting emotions that for me, define gymnastics.

Oh, the Things Kids Say!

2011-03-28T08:11:00.000-07:00

One of the joys of being a coach is getting to witness some of the hilarious things little kids say. For example:

"Miss Courtney, I have Bieber Fever!"
"Sweetie, you're four years old!"
"Well I'm almost five."
"When's your birthday?"
"In twelve years."

Or sometimes I'll have fun with it:

"You can't keep your legs up in the air in a pull-over. You've got to wrap yourself around the bar."
"Like a turkey wrap?"
"No. Like a burrito."
"OH!"

And it's always fun to hear the responses to "where is your butterfly flying to?" during the butterfly game. The most interesting responses I've had so far are, "to the beetle store" and "to the garbage".

But of course, my absolute favorite thing to hear is...

"Gymnastics is awesome!"

:)

Go Patriots!

2011-03-23T10:41:00.000-07:00

I got accepted to George Mason University - yay me! But honestly, I NEVER thought I'd have to apply to college the "normal" way.

When you're a world class gymnast, you have colleges come to you. You email them some videos, they come watch you at practice, and the only thing left for you to do is decide which offer you'll accept. Yeah, you take the SAT or ACT, but only for them to "green light" you - AKA, acknowledge that you have at least some academic competence.

I have experience in both methods of getting into college (we all know how my recruiting trip turned out), and I can tell you - this is the one area where gymnasts have it easy. I mean, I know a girl who committed to a university before her junior year even started! It's crazy what the ability to flip around gracefully can do for you, and until you've been on both ends of the spectrum, it's hard to appreciate it for what it really is.

But I did it the normal way - the way that's not even a question to most - and was accepted amongst "the most competitive and largest applicant pool in the institution's history." Gymnasts are conditioned to think that NCAA is the only way to go...so I think that's awesome! Go Patriots!

Oh, gymnastics...why do you do this to me?

2011-03-19T23:17:00.000-07:00

Every now and then I get this feeling that I'm not done with gymnastics. Like I have unfinished business. Today was one of those days - I swung bars for the first time since my cortisone shot in January!

Trusty, faithful grips - oh how I love you!

The shot didn't work by the way (UGH), but my heart was yearning for that silly wooden pole. And it's funny, my grips didn't even feel stiff. It's as if all those times I was visualizing the perfect routine in my head, my grips were performing it in spirit. After all, a gymnast's grips is her best friend!

And let me tell you, after peeling a few times, my hands were feelin GOOD. The burning and ripping made me feel alive! That sounds so strange, but I took pride in my scars and was very happy indeed to see my hands all beaten up again.

But as I mentioned, I had this feeling of unfinished business. Oh gymnastics, why do you do this to me?

The Invisible Burden: Eating Disorders and Body Dysmorphia

2011-03-14T09:00:00.000-07:00

There I was, eating dinner with mom after practice. She wondered aloud if she should take a shower that night, or in the morning. Oh right now, I said, it'll help you fall asleep. She agreed, and off she went to the shower.

I waited. Five minutes or so. And then, the sound of the water. Finally!

I ran to the pantry, knowing I only had a short time to be alone.

Three heaping bowls of cereal, granola bars, yogurt, a turkey sandwich, peanut butter, chips, popsicles, ice cream, and chocolate were all consumed in about 15 minutes. I then went to the bathroom and stood over the toilet, staring at my fingers. But I didn't do it, I never did it. Making myself throw up would mean I had a serious problem, and I had too much pride to admit to that. Instead, I'd physically hurt myself - it was either slapping my face as hard as I could or pinching myself as hard as I could. It was my way of punishing myself for eating that much.

It took over my life. Food was the first thing I thought about when I woke up, and the last thing before I went to sleep. Sometimes I'd even wake up in the middle of the night and get a snack. Not because I was hungry - I was never hungry - but because I was STARVING for something that could never be satiated, CRAVING to fill an emptiness that no matter how much I would stuff myself, never went away! I would even hide any evidence that I had eaten, and had a secret food stash in my bedroom.

And then I would stare at myself in the mirror, in total disgust. How in the WORLD could I let myself get like this? Why am I so gross? How are these other girls so skinny? Look how flat her stomach is. Why can't I be like that. My things are too big, my stomach is just dispicable, my butt is weird, my face is chubby....

This became the routine. Every night, I'd encourage my mom to take a nice long shower (and during the day I'd encourage her to go out) and then go into a frenzy, binging on anything I could find. And then I would stand there in agony, horribly ashamed for what I had just done. I'd stare at myself with hatred, hitting myself, pinching myself. Why did I do that?

It's the most awful feeling, to feel completely controlled by something you can't even see. To feel so utterly powerless. To feel like a marionette, being controlled by a demon over your head. I now know that I suffered from body dysmorphic disorder and compulsive overeating/binge eating disorder. Unfortunately, I'm not the only one - especially in gymnastics. The gymnastics world puts heavy emphasis on weight and body asthetics, and you know what - there's a reason. Gymnasts have to have low body fat in order to get the best results. It's just a fact. Whatever was going on internally made me vulnerable to these disorders, and the pressure from gymnastics just made it worse. I was never fat by any means, thanks to practice, but at times I was a little too heavy for what I did. My doctor told me this when I was 14 - her words made me feel like I was drowning. I became obsessive about losing weight, and while successful, it was unhealthy. I've struggled with this obsessive weight loss/binge eating cycle for too long.

I no longer binge eat, thank God. But I still feel that monster lurking. It follows me everywhere and I hate it with all my being. Go away, just leave me alone! Let me live my life without you hanging over me and controlling my thoughts!

It's time to get help. I searched my symptoms online and literally started crying when the description of COD and BDD matched my life exactly. The worst of my problems was when I was 14 and 15, but it still effects me today. I never thought to seek real help because hey, I wasn't throwing up and I wasn't starving myself. But COD is actually the most common eating disorder in the US, and is not to be taken lightly - it is known to cause serious depression, which I am sure occurred in my case.

I've been so ashamed for so long, so I'm very proud of myself for mustering up the courage to write this post and making it clear that this is a real problem. If you're reading this and feel like you're going through something similar, do NOT hesitate to say something. I tried to tell people a few times, but people would just say yeah, I overeat sometimes too, just go on a diet if you think you're fat, or you can eat whatever you want, you'll just burn it off at practice. Most people just don't understand, but I guarantee you there are people out there that do. Tell your parents, or email me. No one deserves to live with an eating disorder, and it CAN be beaten. It doesn't feel like it right now, but I'm determined to get rid of it. I can't wait for this weight to finally be lifted.

http://www.womenshealth.gov/faq/binge-eating-disorder.cfm

http://www.mirror-mirror.org/athlete.htm

Epilogue; Moving On

2011-03-07T12:44:00.000-08:00

A couple of weeks after walking away from Capital, I decided that I was going to go back. I had to go back. How could I be so stupid, I thought.

So I set a date. Ok, on April 15th I'm going back. No, May 1st. Actually, once I get back from vacation. The dates kept getting pushed further and further back, until eventually I just stopped setting them and accepted that fact that I had quit. This acceptance didn't happen until JULY, nearly four months after leaving, when I mustered up the courage to go into Capital and clean out my locker.

Around the same time, I decided to apply for a job at the gym around the corner from my house - Apollo. I noticed that something was just missing - a big, empty hole in my heart that gymnastics used to fill. But going to practice every day for five hours and going through all of the crap just wouldn't cut it, and I wouldn't do it. Coaching became the answer, and from my very first day at work, I knew it was the right decision. Here I was, surrounded by a gym again, but in a fresh new atmosphere - clear of any negative memories.

Coaching also helped me adjust to one of the biggest changes an ex-gymnast has: TIME. It was one of the main things I complained about never having, but now that I had it....what do I do? Until I got the job, I'd just spend most of my day watching gymnastics on YouTube.

So, my advice for ex-gymnasts who feel like they're just wandering around the earth, wondering what to do?
Keep yourself busy. Know what you are going to do with yourself before you quit. Find something to dedicate yourself to and love every minute of it.

If you're like me and still LOVE gymnastics, but just hate it as a sport - try not to make a clean break from gym. Keep yourself in the world of gymnastics, but at a safe distance. I love where I am now - coaching, blogging, and occasionally training during open gym hours.

I've come a long way since my last practice at Capital. It's been one year, and I'm finally not in constant mourning. I don't stare at my medals with sadness, but with pride. I don't look at my leotards with regret, but with fondness. Sure, I wonder what could have been. But more importantly, I'm always open to what could be. I'll have random bursts of inspiration to compete again, or to go for a D3 scholarship, etc. But right now I'm just going with the flow and trying to use my experiences to help others.

Long story short, it's all about keeping balance!

A Gymnast's Tale: The End

2011-03-03T11:44:00.000-08:00

Junior year. Recruitment year. Everything I had worked for depended on THIS year.

I fell in love with the University of Washington - home of the Huskies. It's in Seattle (I LOVE SEATTLE), has a great medical program, and the gymnastics team looked fun and right up my skill level. The gorgeous campus and the fact that purple and yellow are its school colors (my favorite) didn't hurt either. I had my heart set: I was GOING to be a Husky and I just knew it. I gathered up a few bar videos and sent them to Joanne Bowers and David McCreary, the UW coaches. This is the collage (and a first look at my gymnastics for some of my readers):

When I called McCreary (it gets you bonus points to call them, plus coaches aren't allowed to call before senior year), he told me that I was on their "A List" for a full scholarship. But while I was supposed to continue sending training updates, my body started to falter.

I was hit hard with strep, the flu and sinus infections early in the season and fell into bad shape. And then, the shoulder. I had first felt pain in my right shoulder about three years prior, on bars. Ever since that day it would painfully pop and come out of the socket. But during my junior year, even lifting my arm was painful. Washing my hands, holding light objects like dinner plates, and doing my hair were all almost impossible. It just got worse and worse, randomly going numb and constantly aching. I had no choice but to rest the shoulder, and that meant I couldn't send updates to UW. The only video they had of me was the bars collage above, which was compiled late summer.

The recruits and the team after practice.

At the UW-Cal football game.

On my December unofficial visit to UW, I became even more convinced that I would soon call Seattle my home. It was an amazing trip, which included a full campus tour, watching a practice, team bowling, spending the night in the dorms, and attending a football game. At the game, the coaches called each of the 6 recruits up to talk with their families individually. I was near the last to be called. Joanne told me that I was most definitely the most enthusiastic recruit, but she couldn't offer me a scholarship at that time. I was second in line in case one of the other girls turned down their offer.

I returned home to Virginia upset but not surprised. I felt stupid for assuming they'd still want me after only sending one video. Somewhere deep down, I had accepted that college gymnastics wasn't going to happen.

Excalibur Cup 2010.

I finally got a cortisone shot for the shoulder, but it didn't help. A meet was approaching - the only opportunity I had to qualify to states - and there was no more time for rest. I jumped back into routines and attended the Excalibur Cup in VA Beach - a little over one year ago. It was the last meet I would ever compete. My routines had pathetically low start values and...it was just awful. Embarrassing. A complete nightmare. The only good thing that came out of it was finally getting to wear our new team leotard.

Any feelings I expressed in my November 8th diary entry only intensified. Tatiana entered me in another meet so that I'd have one more chance to qualify for states, but I was completely uninterested. Done. I hurt inside and out. And as if things weren't bad enough, my mother had a heart attack. She was in the hospital for days getting all sorts of tests and trying to recover. And what was the very first thing people said? "How is Courtney supposed to get to practice?" Really, people? My mother has a heart attack and you're worried that I won't be able to go to a silly gymnastics practice? I was infuriated that THAT was what was important to everyone.

Soon after my mom's heart attack, a day in early March 2010, my sister Kelly drove me to practice. I told her to drop me off at Olympus, the gym next door, so I could change. But I had no intention of changing, and no intention of going into Capital. I started to cry in the locker room, and every emotion that had built up over the past decade finally came out. I called my mom and told her how stressed I was, sobbing and sobbing. After hanging up, I texted Cailean and told him I needed an emergency pick up.

My gymnastics career had probably been over for a while, but that was the day it became official. That was the day I officially walked away, free at last.

Part 9: A Diary Entry

2011-02-25T17:27:00.000-08:00

November 8th, 2009.

"Diary,

I wake up, and I don't want to move. I just want to sleep. My body is always in pain. I'm in the worst shape of my life. I feel like I'm getting strep again. I'm kind of relieved because that means I can stay in bed, but then I feel bad for thinking that and realize it will only set me back more. I say I'm fine even though I have a fever.

I mosey downstairs and even though I'm not hungry and feel fat, I eat and eat, knowing the regret I'll feel as soon as I swallow.

I see the quotes I've put up around my room and my stomach drops whenever I read them, because I feel like I'm completely missing the point of them and wasting my life. Everyone is getting scholarships and I'm stuck in this rut. Every coach I've had tells me that I could be the best. I know it's true. And I know I've disappointed everyone. I'm not a real gymnast anymore. I'm a fraud. I have such a long way to go and the meet is rapidly approaching. I just hate gymnastics. Well, I take that back. I LOVE to do gymnastics. I just hate doing it as a sport. I don't see the point of it anymore! It only causes unnecessary pain and depression.

I always think about what life would be like without club gymnastics. I could do so many things! I'd have actual weekends, not have body/eating problems, do after school activities, do track, acting, piano, photography, dance, write, cook, hang out with school friends, get a job and make money, NOT be in pain all the time, go to open gym and actually enjoy it, travel, go on vacations without worrying about losing skills, go to summer camps, do volunteer work, the list goes on and on.

I also feel terrible about all the money that's being spent on something I despise. All signs point to quitting, but I HAVE to get a college scholarship. What the hell happened. I've always wanted to quit deep inside, but I never made it an option. This is the worst the depression has ever been. Is it really coming to an end now?"

A Gymnast's Tale: Part 8

2011-02-22T11:18:00.000-08:00

This was gonna be the year, I thought, the year I make it to Nationals and stun them all. The year Courtney Keating finally shows them what she can do... free of injuries at last.


I was ready to bring it.

I missed three quarters of the 2008 season because of a tailbone injury, but I recovered in time to make States - getting 1st place on beam and 2nd place AA, qualifying for Regionals. But while I was in PT working on being able to touch my toes again, the entire region was working on upgrading their routines and then perfecting those upgrades. Yes, you guessed it - The Curse of Regionals struck again, and for the very last time. Not because I finally made it to Nationals my sophomore year, but because that was the last Regional meet I competed in.

The following summer, the summer before sophomore year, was one of the most amazing summers I had gymnastics wise. I learned my absolute favortie skill - the tkachev. I worked on all sorts of combos with tkachevs, like connecting them to pak saltos, and connecting them out of half turns. I started to film my workouts so that I could get a head start on college recruitment videos. But one day, I woke up with splitting pain in the lower right side of my back. I couldn't stand on my right leg or bend over. Tumbling was absolutely excruciating.

The Mysterious Back Injury is number two on my list of Top 3 Most Painful Things Ever. I say "mysterious" because not one doctor could give me a diagnosis. One MRI told me that I would never walk again, while another said it was nothing. For five months, I attended practice only to ice and do exercises...while throwing some fun in at the same time, of course. It was the most frustrating thing I have ever been through, not being able to compete my exciting new skills. At this point, I was beginning to think there was some higher power at work, keeping me from gymnastics.

Ten minutes before getting the sleeping gas.

But when I was finally pain free, something even worse came my way - kidney stones. On January 24th, my half birthday, I was wheeled into surgery to have the embedded kidney stones removed from my ureter. They were completely blocking off my kidney, causing an infection and pain like you wouldn't believe. In case you were wondering, THAT is number one on my Top 3 list. Interestingly, turns out that the residual back pain I was having was actually the very start of my kidney problem.

Add caption

As if that weren't enough, I broke my finger soon after recovering from the kidney ordeal. And right after healing my finger, I sprained my knee. The day I came in after breaking my finger, I overheard my coach say to another coach: "She get new skills, injury. New skills, injury. Ridiculous." I felt like a complete failure, and a disappointment to everyone. I had missed every competition and wasted so much money on meet fees.

It was crunch time. Junior year was approaching - recruitment year - and it would either make me or break me.

A Gymnast's Tale: Part 7

2011-02-04T14:59:00.000-08:00

Oh shin splints, how I love thee...NOT. They kept me out for a good month, and forced me to compete the first meet of the 2007 season as a 9 again. And only competing bars, for that matter. But after a good while of wearing special arch-supports everywhere and doing bungee exercises like no other, they left me alone. And on January 21, I marched in to my very first level 10 competition - the Beach Invitational. It was a was a whole new ballgame - the girls were throwing full-ins and mad release moves all around me, and the girls who seemed to have decent routines never broke out of the 8's. But I could fend for myself, and won first place AA.

My first level 10 competition. First place AA!

I felt that I had truly found my place in the world of level 10. And the A Group trend caught on: girls my age started joining the group after having second thoughts about their invitations to Elite group. With the help of my teammates, I became confident and bold with my gymnastics, and proudly competed a Jeager on bars at the next meet.

Meanwhile, my A Group girls and old Elite girls started talking to college coaches and going on school visits. It seemed so easy: email a coach, send a few videos, and they give you a full ride to college! I suddenly realized that I could have the opportunity to go anywhere in the country for school because of gymnastics: Ricki signed with Alabama, Blair with Stanford. Marissa (in the picture with me at left - we were saying our goodbyes!) was off to UPenn, Stacie to Illinois, Faye to West Virginia, and Sherry to Yale. I couldn't wait until it was time for me to choose where I wanted to go. I was told that if I kept up the good work, schools would fight for me. I was in 8th grade, and counting down the months....

The 2007 level 10 team ad.

It's in His Blood!

2011-01-31T07:37:00.000-08:00

The team and I once spent a good while discussing whether or not we would put our future children in gymnastics. My response was: "Yeah I'll let her try it, but if it turns out she's talented I'm pullin her out!" I said it with a laugh, but I was semi-serious! The ones with raw talent are the ones that burn out.

But despite what may have been said during that conversation, I cannot deny that it is my true desire for my nine month old nephew, Liam, to become a gymnast. I'm embarrassed to say this, but I ALMOST bought a baby onesie online that read: "when I grow up, I'm going to be a gymnast like my aunt!" Yes, they actually make those. And yes, I spent a good hour searching for gymnastics-themed baby clothes.

Fortunately, Erin is on my side here. Once Liam turns 18 months, he will be enrolled in my Parent-Tot class at Apollo! But there's never any harm in getting a head start, right? This was taken yesterday, during an intense training session...

He's gotta work on those landings, but clearly he loves it. Oy...I better not turn into a gym-aunt.

Look Closely...

2011-01-28T11:34:00.000-08:00

I was sorting through my gymnastics pictures the other day, when something caught my eye.

2001 and 2008 - same floor judge.

We gymnasts got to know our judges - if they scored harshly, easy, etc...but it must be neat to be a judge. They get to watch us grow up and mature as gymnasts. Cool!

A Gymnast's Tale: Part 6

2011-01-27T07:42:00.000-08:00

If I had actually quit at 12 years old, I'd probably be a chunky, ordinary high schooler right now. And even though gymnasts are always agonizing over not being normal kids, we all fear it.

Funny - when I was in Elite, the moms would snicker about how A group is for the failed elites who

Fun photo-shoots: a perk of A Group!

"only want to get a college scholarship." But (for a while), A group was the answer to my prayers - it was the perfect balance between hard work and fun.

Besides the decrease in hours and the decrease in Tatiana Time, the increase in team spirit really made A Group feel like home. Everyone said that we were the loudest people in the gym: every turn someone took, every routine someone did, the rest of us would be screaming "COME ON GIRL, YOU GOT IT! FINISH IT UP! NIIIIICE!"

It was awesome! And even though I was still four or five years younger than most of the team (I was reunited with Sylvie again), we were bonded like glue. We had team dinners, sleepovers, parties, and all kinds of outings. The girls were my best friends and role models (even though their potty mouths rubbed off on my angelic self). The atmosphere was a complete turn around, and I was having blast.

On my first A Group outing: shopping followed by dinner and a sleepover.

Gymnastics-wise: I did a second year of level nine. But in true Courtney fashion, it was not a full season. There was ALWAYS at least one injury to prevent me from competing every meet. That season, it was my ankle. I rushed into a back tuck, landed halfway off the panel mat I was supposed to land on, and completely twisted it. I actually tried to vault before realizing it wasn't going to work; denial was still my best friend at that point. I sat there with ice for a few minutes, trying to pretend everything was a-okay, when Grace took a look at my ankle. Um, HOLY COW. My foot looked pregnant! I think it's safe to say that no one in the gym had seen anything like it; the girls, coaches, and parents all looked like their eyes were gonna pop out of their heads as Alex carried me over his shoulder to call my mom. It's such a shame we didn't take a picture of it.

That was in September, and my broken growth plate kept me out until April, when I petitioned directly into Regionals. I had a pretty terrible meet, and literally sobbed when I didn't qualify to Nationals. I told you - The Curse of Regionals! But my mom bought me three sympathy leotards, which made it slightly easier to show my face the next day at practice.

And, I was officially a training level ten.

A Cortisone Injection in Just Four Easy Steps!

2011-01-21T13:58:00.000-08:00

Cortisone injections are awesome! That is, if you actually do what the doctor says to heal your body afterward! As you can probably guess, I did not do that. I had the injection on February 20th, and competed on March 5th - which ended up being my last competition ever. So this time, I'm getting serious - no bars, no spotting, etc., until the doctor clears me. I got my second and final shot today, and I've provided this handy guide to prove that you, too, can get a cortisone injection in just four easy steps!

Step One: Prep

There's the mental prep, of course.


And then the medical prep, such as this iodine swab....


...and this super cool insta-cold numbing spray!

Step Two: Novocain


A series of numbing injections. Uh, ouch. They lie when they say "little sting."

Step Three: Cortisone


An assistant pulls down on the arm to give the needle room the get inside the joint, while the doctor handles the injecting part.


Haha.

Step Four: Work it in


The doctor then has to move the joint around to get the steroid fluid moving throughout the area. I felt like Sylvie, who always laughs in response to pain!

And that's it! He slapped on a Band-Aid and gave me a prescription for Tramadol. I'm to expect throbbing pain throughout the next few days and move it as little as possible for a week or so (typed this with one hand and it took forever!). Then starts serious rehab. Woohoo!

Ice Skating and Other Affairs

2011-01-20T11:24:00.000-08:00

When a gymnast gets to a certain level, she becomes the super-star among her group of friends. The natural ability to defy gravity (and being able to beat the boys at nearly everything) puts her on a throne of popularity. And it's a pretty comfortable seat, I can tell you that.

"She's a gymnast. She's like, going to the Olympics."

"She's a gymnast, of course she can do it!"
"She's like this crazy gymnast who can do anything!"

But what if she's taken out of her element? What if she's in a situation where - shocker - she doesn't get it immediately? Luckily for the high level club gymnast, that doesn't exactly happen. She can continue to amaze by excelling at everything she does, because everything she does is gymnastics or stems form gymnastics. But when you take her out of her comfort zone...you wind up with me, at an ice skating rink, on my ass, wanting to just freaking leave already.

It was probably a very sad scene to watch. Two weeks ago I marched into Harris Pavillion, excited as I could be. I literally envisioned myself impressing Cailean and the crowd by being able to glide down the ice in an arabesque on my first real try at skating. Well, no. I clung onto the wall for dear life, and had to ask people who were resting against the wall to move - I physically could not skate around them! Cailean, who claimed to "suck" at ice skating, could skate without the wall for an entire lap around the rink. He tried to teach me, but I became too frustrated with myself for not getting it. He finally took my hand and kind of pushed me around. I lost count of how many times I fell and ended up with a bloody finger. Cailean said he saw a smile on my face, but I was too preoccupied with being embarrassed to notice I was having fun.

Hill + rocky surface + bushes = cool.

Take another example of the gymnast out of her element: I was in California over the summer with Cailean and crowd, getting ready to bike up Angel Island. Except for one problem: I couldn't ride a bike. Sure, I had tried one or two times, but those trials landed me in a ditch. Literally. Anyways, Cailean patiently taught me, and although I almost rode off the island during my instruction, we successfully biked up and down the mountain (despite a crash or two). I'm usually the one teaching kids how to do cool things, and now I was being taught how to do one of the most basic skills a kid can have! My ego was severely bruised, but hey - it was a ton of fun.

Watching all the kids whiz past me on their bikes, and then on the ice, I thought: where was I at that age where everyone learned this stuff?

Oh yeah.
THIS is what matters.
Everything else is just an additional risk you don't want to leave to chance.
If you get an injury, Courtney, the coaches will flip and there goes your season.

See in my opinion, back flips ARE way more cool than bike riding. But this was a big reality check. Yoohoo, Courtney, you stepped off the throne. You can't be good at everything. But it's always worth a try...and since I have some time to do the things I missed out on earlier, I might even try to ski!

A Gymnast's Tale: Part Five

2011-01-11T22:25:00.000-08:00

Elite Group

When I reflect on the year I spent in Elite group, I automatically think of two days. The first is a hot summer afternoon, and I'm in a shiny red leotard for good luck on my very first day. I'm honored to be training in the same group as World Champions and World Class Elites. The other day I see took place in the following summer, and I'm walking towards Tatiana to inform her that I will not be returning to the sport of gymnastics.

Between those two summers, one would think that I was the happiest girl on Earth - I had amazing competitive seasons, placed in the top three at nearly every meet I went to, and was the only Capital level 9 to qualify for all four event finals at the Hill's Classic. I was in the best shape of my life! Eight practices a week and conditioning tests every morning practice made sure of that.

But inside, a hatred for the sport consumed me. I absolutely dreaded practice and yearned for a life where I wasn't constantly watching the clock to see when my freedom ended. I just couldn't tell who was benefiting from me living at the gym. All I gained was pain, inside and out.

On the Valentine's Day of 05' I dislocated my kneecap doing a pak salto drill. I had too much forward momentum and my knee came down on the edge of the block I was landing on, shooting the patella up and then down again. I also developed tendinitis in my heels - probably in my Top Three Most Painful Things Ever. I tolerated the unbelievable sting with every step for a few weeks before spending another week on crutches for it. And when my right heel healed? I took one step and felt that familiar sting in my left heel. Same process all over again. Walking crooked on my feet to avoid the pain eventually caused my right foot to grow an "extra bone", and then form a stress fracture in that extra bone. On top of everything else, I developed asthma. Every morning workout, during our run, the girl behind me would invariably ask: "what's that sound?" Well, it was me, wheezing.

I had mixed feelings about the injuries Elite group brought me. Every time a surge of pain would go through my body, I wanted nothing more than for it to go away so I could do another vault or do one more routine. But it also relaxed me and ensured that I wouldn't be subject to the normal rigor of the practices. A certain commenter would probably like to remind me that "some peole just aren't cut out to be athletes." But I think the main problem was that I kept my mouth shut for so long. I let the injuries brew until they just couldn't take it anymore. Unfortunately, this was also true for the deeper "injuries" I harbored, the ones that could not be covered with a brace or tape.

I developed an intense aversion to ANYTHING that reminded me of gymnastics. I would not touch a leotard at home.While doing laundry, I'd hold it at arms length by my fingernails, like it was poisonous. I would not say the word "gymnastics" and I would not talk about practice. If I found myself visualizing routines in my head I would shake the thoughts out and think about something else. I hated going down Clifton Rd. because it made me feel like I was going to gym. And nothing reminded me of a recent AP Psychology lesson like finding an old bottle of lotion, only to immediately recoil and feel a knot in my gut upon opening it - my brain associated the smell of my old pre-workout lotion with the old feelings of pre-workout dread.

This post can't begin to cover it. I don't know how to explain the weight of the burden I carried. The silent tears I shed. The screaming child clutching her stuffed panda bear when she was home alone, in between family therapy sessions and practice. I had an unhealthy depression at eleven years old that no one knew about. But I knew no other option but to keep going. Gymnastics was just the routine, just something I had to do. It was just expected of me to be a gymnast. Quitting would let down too many people to count, and it would mean starting over my life. Courtney Keating = gymnast.

Something changed one day. I woke up and knew I could not tolerate this any longer. I finally worked up the courage to speak. Right before it was time to get ready for gym, I walked very slowly up to my mom's study to tell her I did not want to do this. I cannot remember the conversation, just that I was in tears, and that my mom was struggling to understand what I couldn't say for so long.

The next thing I know, I'm in the ballet room telling Tat that I was done. But she wouldn't have it. She said to me: "there is absolutely no reason for you to quit." And that was that. She had authority. She told me to take a break, and then return as an A grouper.

And a whole new chapter begun.

Happy 2011!

2011-01-10T10:37:00.000-08:00

This being my first post of 2011...Happy New Year! My year started out with a bang - literally. If there had been a newspaper article on it, the header would have read: Typical Sunday Gathering Turns into Hunt for Terrorists After Lasagna Explosion. Go to my mom's blog for the full explanation.

The rubble from the freakish lasagna bowl explosion.

Anyways, according to some nut jobs this is our last full year on Earth. So, it's going to be awesome!

Up on my list for 2011:

- Take a stab at diving. I have a little issue with going head first into water, though...so this may take some time.

Can't wait to be horseback again.

- Get back into horseback riding. I had to bag it for gym years ago, and I've missed it so much! Hey, you ARE looking at the Lucky Bits and Spurs Lead Line Champion. ;)
- Complete my EMT-B training. I've taken the first step, now I just have to be inducted into the program and enroll in classes.
- Graduation and the start of my college career! I plan to stay local for a year or two, so that I can keep working and still be able to be an EMT with Buckhall.
- Do more work for the troops. I recently visited Walter Reed Army Medical Hospital to deliver Christmas laptops to wounded soldiers. It was one of the most rewarding things I have ever done and it was a privilege to meet some of brave men who serve our country. So I've finally achieved my dream of having my own cooking show! Well, kind of. I'll be making a series of cooking videos for Cooking with the Troops, an organization that helps soldiers get "good food fast, not fast food." Can't wait!
- Focus more of some of my other hobbies: photography, drawing, and sprinting. I'm saving up for a camera, got an anatomical drawing book for Christmas, and have a need for speed - I'm all set.
- And of course, always strive to be a better coach to my little kiddies! My goal is to instill positive attitudes in my girls and teach them how hard work can turn into reward.

And what's next for the blog? First and foremost I'm aiming to post much more often. I'm halfway through my personal story, but that's not ALL the blog is about - that's just to give everyone a background and finally talk about my life from my perspective; people seem to think they know exactly what happened in my gymnastics career. And I definitely hope to become more blog-savvy! I've been wanting to jazz the site up for the longest time. Slideshows, videos, pages, etc, are to come.

Good luck this year, gymnasts and non-gymnasts! May this be a successful and rewarding year for us all.

A Note to Readers

2010-12-28T11:59:00.000-08:00

I had quite a number of comments on my last post. Rather than continue the surge, my responses deserve their own page: I'm assuming that I will be receiving these types of comments throughout the lifespan of the blog. An FAQ, if you will.

"You have no right to be writing any of this. Because it's true you have no right!" - Seeing how I was the longest standing female gymnast at Capital until last year...yes, I do. But it's not just me; everyone has the right to tell their story, create a blog, etc. Isn't America wonderful?

"You really should delete all of this because it may be 'grammatically correct' but it's not right."- First, I did not intend to offend anyone by creating this blog. I'm here to tell my story and provide a look into the world I was immersed in for so long. If you don't like what you see, the simple solution is to not read the blog, as one commenter pointed out. I am not going to erase or stop writing this because some people are angry or are reading this the wrong way.

"Why don't you take a look at...someone who got a scholarship or who is trying that is gonna do something with their life and then you will have a true role model." - Since when is the definition of doing something with one's life "getting a gymnastics scholarship"? Yes, the girls who received full rides serve as role models to many young gymnasts, and deserve recognition. But there is a BIG world outside of the gym.

"You don't see me writing a blog to make myself feel better about the fact I failed at a sport I committed my life too." - I did not fail at gymnastics. I gained a lot from this sport. I have a lot of passion for gym and a lot of opinions on gym, so I created a blog. The previous four quotes are from the same comment: it seems like you have a lot of opinions, so maybe you would benefit from writing a blog! But if you do, just prepare yourself for some ridiculous comments.

"Get over yourself, the girls, capital and gymnastics and MOVE ON!" - Sure thing! Right away! ...but really, let me worry about my own life.

"if your shoulder hurts so bad you can't lift things or sleep on your right side, mabe you shouldn't do tkachevs and double layouts? you need to stop trying to prove yourself and show off to apollo...and please don't even try to explain yourself because we all know that i'm right." - There are some impingement issues with my shoulder. So yes, when I lay on that side it freakin' hurts. But I freakin' love bars too. I do a few tkachevs or dismounts about once a month on average, for about ten minutes...AFTER hours, when the gym is almost empty. Sure it hurts! But it's a heck of a lot better than doing them every day for an hour, followed by vault, floor, beam, and arm conditioning.

"And why did you try (and fail) to get on a high school gymnastics team, where you would most definitely aggravate your chronic injuries?" I did not try out for OPG. I talked about it with the coaches, as a fun way to end my high school career, but there was a problem with my VHSL eligibility because I do not have enough public school classes. But you're right - it would have aggravated my injuries, so in retrospect, it was probably a good thing. But my routines would have been very basic, and I was willing to spend a little extra time icing so that I could be a part of something positive and fun.

"Is it this nasty at Apollo, and do they have openings on team?" I love the atmosphere at Apollo. Gym moms and dads will be everywhere, however, but the gym does an excellent job at controlling it. In addition, Apollo maintains their equipment very well, and the coaching is very positive. I believe you have to try out for team, and I'm sure there are openings. And thank you for your support, "Dad"!

"i hope all you parents know that courtney is a sex addict and is a BAD influence...just an fyi." - ...and now we get into gossip and rumor-spreading. I laughed when I read this.

"...a lot of what Courtney writes seems exaggerated for dramatic effect." - such is the world of gymnastics. It's pretty dramatic, as demonstrated by some of the above comments. Sex addict? I'm a failure? The comments speak for themselves. Any stories I tell are true to how I saw them....and honestly, this is pretty tame compared to some of the stories people have told me about their gymnastics experiences.

"Why do you write what you feel is correct and delete comments that you feel are wrong?" - I write what is true, and that includes a lot of things that I feel were/are wrong. I delete comments that are inappropriate or have the sole purpose of offending or putting down. This is not a place to throw out accusations or make vicious remarks about other people. I also just noticed that a lot of the comments I'm getting get flagged as spam. If your comment doesn't show up, there's a good chance it went straight to the spam file...but from now on I'll be sure to check that folder as well.

Thanks to all of you who support me and this blog. There will be more to come.

The Tale of Tatiana

2010-11-30T21:45:00.000-08:00

Here's the scene: it is 3PM at Capital Gymnastics, and about 15 teenage girls sit around in a circle. They talk, laugh, and complain about gymnastics while waiting for the clock to hit 3:15. However, the laughing girls are supposed to be using that 15 minute gap between Arrival Time and the Official Start of Practice to complete a series of strengthening exercises. The exercises include bungee work, sit-ups, arch-ups, and balance ball routines. Now, the woman who assigned the gymnasts these exercises has not yet entered the building, which explains the 15 pairs of anxious eyes darting towards the front door every time they hear it creaking open. If it's an ordinary person, they go back to their conversations. But eventually, and almost inevitably, a certain red-headed woman storms through the entrance to Capital (usually around 3:12), and within milliseconds, all of the gymnasts jump into various exercise poses, pretending as if they've been hard at work for the past 15 minutes. Whispers of "she's here" circulate through the group. A select few can even recognize the aggressive style in which the woman opens the door, giving them a few extra seconds to get into position.

Her curly red hair blows in the wind of her brisk gait. Her glasses create a glare, giving the terrifying impression that's she's staring at YOU. Her track suit swishes with every step. It is none other than Tatiana Perskia. Or, as she's more commonly referred to: Tat, Tati, Big T, The T, Tatster, Tati the Hottie (only the boys team called her that), or simply "Her". It's funny, there are plenty of female coaches at Capital, but if someone is talking about a "her", it is automatically understood that "her" is Tatiana. A previous generation of A Group tried using the code name "Banana" (because of her banana legs), but rumor has it that she figured it out.

Tat has this way of making even the toughest girls talk like a pipsqueak. The scenario described before, which is the daily routine for A and Elite Group, usually ends with all of the girls yelping out "Hi, Tatiana!" (required of us) in extremely high-pitched voices. Then we pray that she has paper work to do, or that she'll get a case of the runs - ANYTHING to keep her attention off of us. There is nothing worse than being lectured and yelled at by Big T. Her unique, unmistakable voice will ring in your head for hours afterward. When I first started training under Tat, my older teammates told me to never look her in the eye. Instead, we were to stare at the bridge of her nose, so that she thinks we are paying attention to her lecture when really we're imagining what she'd look like with long hair. With time, I got used to her, but I never shook the tic I subconsciously developed: whenever I spoke to her, I furiously cracked my knuckles. About two weeks ago, I visited the gym, and caught myself doing it when I said hello to The T. Other girls developed tics like rocking on their feet or rubbing their leos, but I could not control those hands of mine. Reccently, while talking to my friend Sammy, he revealed that he almost peed his pants when The Big T looked at him.

I believe that the Tale of Tatiana is extremely important to tell before I move on with my personal story. After all, she was practically the main authority figure in my life during that time. She dictated absolutely everything I did, from what I ate to my schooling.

Not many people know about Tatiana's history. When I researched this, I - dare I say it - ALMOST understood why she is the way she is. Tatiana Perskia is the former coach of the great Oksana Omelianchik, of the USSR. She is the 1985 World Champion. The 1985 USSR Champion. 1985 European Beam Champion. 1986 Goodwill Game Champion. 1986 World Cup Beam Champion. She popularized back to back tumbling on floor, and has a skill named for her on beam: the 3/4 twisting back handspring, which Tatiana's later student and my former teammate, Ashley Postell, was known for. She had enormous personality and spark, and her choreography was brilliantly performed. It is amazing to watch her. Follow the links below, and keep your eye out for Big T. Warning: it will freak you out.

1985 Europeans Event Finals: Perfect 10 floor

1985 Europeans Event Finals: Beam

1987 Rotterdam Vault

Oksana montage - OMG moments at 1:39 and 3:52!!!

This was the height of Tatiana's coaching career. Later, here in the US, she produced Ashley Postell, the 2002 World Beam Champion, and Katie Heenan, the 2002 Bars Bronze Medalist. After watching these videos, it makes me think: she must be comparing us to Oksana every day of her life. After being the coach of THAT, what are we? Falling off beam, taking steps on our landings, missing practice?! Oh my god, she must think of us as bugs on a windshield! No wonder she's so bitter! I almost feel sorry for her.

But then, I remember when she laughed at me for having a good-luck teddy bear at meets. Or when she yelled at me for having asthma. Or when she made me cry even outside of the gym. The only coping method that worked for us, particularly Sylvie and me, was to crack jokes about her. Sometimes we spent an entire conditioning circuit creating Tatiana Scenarios, like the Spiderman Tatiana - where she would lower herself upside down from the ceiling on a cable to spy on us (after all, how else does she literally see EVERYTHING). A certain vest she liked to wear, the one that has "Respect Me" plastered all over it, was also a subject of mockery, especially amongst the boys team. They loved that vest. Capital girls, help me out. Post your favorite Tatiana story.

In the last few years of my Capital career, my fear of her diminished. I still dreaded her presence, but wasn't exactly afraid of her anymore. I truly respect Tatiana. Maybe it's subliminal messaging from the vest, or maybe she's just a fantastic coach. Oksana Omelianchik is a living testament to that. Remember this face, because she is a huge factor in my story.

1987, with Oksana.

See, I am NOT making this stuff up.

A Gymnast's Tale: Part Four

2010-11-03T21:02:00.000-07:00

First of all, I hope everyone had a great Halloween! I took part in some harmless mischief, as per usual. Don't worry, it had nothing to do with firing baseballs out of an air cannon.

Back to the story:

I was up to level 8. Nothing out of the ordinary happened, except that I broke my elbow AGAIN and missed several meets mid-season. It was rather ridiculous: I was running for a tumbling pass, going into the round-off, when I tripped over my own feet and went flying into the ground. My arm caught me from going face first into the floor...but my arm was also locked straight, and hyperextended upon impact. I instantly knew something was wrong.

When I finally looked up, the entire B Group and even Tatiana was laughing at me. It's not often that a graceful gymnast trips over herself and goes flying into the floor. I didn't want to ruin the humorous moment, so I said I was okay and continued tumbling. THAT was a big mistake. I soon realized this, when I could no longer move or feel my elbow. I excused myself to the bathroom so I could thoroughly evaluate the situation. Well, it was massively swollen. I'd definitely be out of full practice for a while. I dreaded the thought of having to tell Tatiana I was injured again.

When I returned to practice, Big T yelled at me and asked if I was having a party in the bathroom. Apparently I had been in there for a whole five minutes. My response was: "does this look swollen to you?" and I stuck my elbows in her face. Her eyebrows furrowed and she rushed to get me ice. This time, I got a blue cast.

***

My scores from the previous season were high enough to petition me into the State meet. In level 8, you get the chance to qualify for Regionals, and I beamed with pride as they announced my name to be on the Virginia Regional Team. But about two weeks before Regionals, the gymnastics gods struck again. I was on beam, practicing a switch-leap. My left foot came down WAY to much to the right (and by WAY too much I mean about three centimeters), and as it slipped off, my ribs took all of the fall as I slid down the side of the beam. For days I felt like my upper body was paralyzed. No fractures, thankfully, just some nasty contusions. I couldn't practice for a few days, and as a result Tatiana threatened to scratch me from the competition. I would NOT have that, so I got myself together and went to that darn meet.

I think the gymnastics gods were angry that the accident they created didn't cause more damage. So, they created The Curse of Regionals just to spite me. Starting with level 8, every regional meet I have ever been to has been terrible. At the meet in question, I face planted on both of my vaults and fell on beam. Even though Virginia still took the gold home that day, I felt I had done nothing to contribute. I was completely ashamed of myself.

***

At the end of every season, Tatiana changes the groups around. She is constantly watching and evaluating to see who should be moved to a higher level training group. When she finally decides who will go where for the summer, there is a big meeting in which she hands every parent an envelope. In this envelope, the mystery of What Group Will I Be In finally reveals itself. When my mom came home from the meeting that night, she was hesitant about giving me the envelope. There was something very off about the expression on her face. She had no idea how I'd react. I nervously unfolded the piece of paper.

"To the parents of Courtney Keating, this summer your child will be training in group Elite."

Panic switch: ON.

Competing on beam at level 8 Regionals; May 2004. About two seconds later, I fell off. If you look closely enough, you can see that my pinky finger is hanging off the beam because I was tumbling slightly crooked.

A Gymnast's Tale: Part Three

2010-10-30T23:44:00.000-07:00

At Capital, each optional training group is given a letter. In my day, the groups were A, B, C, D, and Elite. For most of level 7, I was in D group - the group of girls who were adjusting to life in optional level gymnastics. One day, Sylvie and I were on bars, when we saw our mothers walk into the ballet room with (dun dun dun) Tatiana! First of all, the ballet room, located in the far back corner of the gym and is very secretive, was and still is the go-to place for serious meetings between coaches and parents. And secondly, a secret meeting with Tatiana means serious business. This woman (commonly referred to as The Big T) runs the show: she decides who goes in what training group, who gets to move up a level, and everything in between. She is the Girls Head Coach and she is feared by all.

After practice that day, Sylvie and I received the news - Tatiana had been watching us, and decided that she would take us under her wing. Big T only works with a few groups: Elite (which is her program entirely), A Group, and B Group - the group we would be switching to. The girls in B were scary talented and were at least two years older than me. Also, moving to B would mean a big increase in the number of hours I would be training per week.

I loved my status as a B Grouper, but hated that practices went from laid back and fun to serious and grueling. There was no talking or stepping out of line. We were yelled at constantly, even in warm ups! And there was absolutely NO being late or missing practice. For the first time, I was intimidated when I walked into the gym. And for the first time, I didn't care about the threat "if you do that one more time I won't take you to gymnastics!" Actually, once I got to B Group, I wished for this "punishment".

It was mainly the style of coaching that shocked me. The D Group coach, Alexi, rarely spoke at all and was just sort of...there. Tatiana would actually insult, glare, and make girls cry. Alex, an assistant coach, was almost worse. He screamed in our faces that we were stupid. Had ZERO patience. And made us do crazy skills we had never even heard of. This was outrageous. Gymnastics is supposed to be for fun.

Well, the level 7 season progressed, and along came the state meet. Was it a repeat of level 6 states? Absolutely not - I, with a green cast on my broken elbow, had to stay home. This was the first of many competitions I would miss due to injury. My teammate Kelly told me years later that her team (she went to a different gym back then) jumped for joy when word got out that Courtney Keating was injured.

Flash forward two years: I am sitting on the kitchen floor with my sister Kelly. I had been wanting to tell her for so long. Finally, I confessed: I don't like going to practice anymore.
"But you're so good!" was her response.
"Yeah, well, I've wanted to quit ever since I moved to B group."

Is that what started it all? When gymnastics, my escape, changed from a place of freedom and praise to a place of both external and internal pain? While Tatiana helped me climb to the top, she also made me conflicted about gymnastics. My inner state secretly dipped lower and lower.

A Gymnast's Tale: Part Two

2010-10-24T09:20:00.000-07:00

Finally, I was of age. I could compete. But my first competition, if I recall, was not exactly successful. I was introduced to a little thing called meet jitters. In reality, all of your work comes down to a few 90 second routines, where big scary judges stare you down and take note of every little bobble you make on their mysterious notepads. And right after the judges salute you - the signal to begin - everything is completely silent. You are completely aware that everyone is watching you. At seven, that's petrifying! But a gymnast has no choice but to march onto that floor, put a smile on, and act like it's no big deal at all. I got better at meet strategy - little things to tell yourself and imagine to help with the feeling of impending doom before and during a meet. And by the time I got to level 6, I had enough meet experience to (somewhat) ignore the nerves and perform. And level 6 is when I made a name for myself. At one meet - I was in the bathroom putting glitter in my hair - a coach I'd never seen before stopped in her tracks when she saw me.

"You're here?! Capital is here?! I have to go warn my girls!" She ran out before I could say anything.

I heard rumors that other gyms would avoid meets I would be at. People I'd never seen before whispered my name as I walked by. It didn't make me feel one way or another - I still had competitions to focus on. Still had work to do.

Level 6 States is my most memorable competition. For kicks, I did a military salute as my ending pose on floor. My mom cried just a little. Also, I took home five gold medals. The next day at practice, I became a level 7.

Moving to level 7 is a big deal. It marks the end of compulsory gymnastics - where everyone in the same level does the same routines - and the beginning of optional gymnastics - where you have your own unique choreography and skill combos to meet the requirements and gain bonus points. My first optional floor music was "Cotton Eyed Joe", handed down to me by Capital Elite Superstar Katie Heenan. At one meet, the entire audience began to clap to my music. It was exhilarating. But with the advancement to level 7 came an introductory lesson in chronic pain. My knees, particularly the left, killed me. I had (and still have) what the doctor called "loosey goosey kneecaps", meaning they move all over the place. The kneecaps fall inwards when I stand. I am also flat footed and pronate; my feet naturally go duck footed to compensate. My coaches tried training me to fix this (my feet turned out when I tumbled as well, giving the judges room to deduct) by making me walk pigeon toed. It just made the knees worse. I was diagnosed with tendinitis, effusion, and iliotibial band syndrome (ITBS). I wore knee braces at all times and underwent months of physical therapy. I didn't know it then, but I'd be battling pain and injuries for the rest of my career and beyond.

Meanwhile, family life was starting to take a turn for the worse. My parents were going through an ugly separation and my world was turned upside down. Words like adultery, family therapy, and visitation were thrown at me. My dad has other kids? What? He doesn't live here anymore? I was in second grade, for God's sake. I wasn't sure how to act or what to feel. And so, the gym became my sanctuary. It was where I thrived, and where I held nothing back.

Gymnastics was my escape. At least for a while.

A Gymnast's Tale: Part One

2010-10-13T23:50:00.000-07:00

The tale is long, and the gymnast is me. In several installments, I'll explain (summarized, of course) the rise and fall of my gymnastics career. This story should have been the opening posts for the blog, so that you - the reader - could better understand where I'm coming from. But I told myself it would be too long, too laborious to write. The truth is, though, I've been scared to write it. Yes, the rise was great...but the fall was greater. It was devastating and flat out embarrassing. And to be honest, I just don't understand what happened to me. I think about it every day, so hopefully telling this story and seeing it all laid out will provide some answers.

At age one or two, I was put in gymnastics as a form of daycare. My sisters Erin and Kelly were both gymnasts, so it was only logical for me to stay in the gym while they were practicing. Well, I caught on rather quickly. I could do three back-handsprings in a row by the time I was three. I went to the developmental class, and soon advanced to Jr. Pre-team. Then at five years old, I moved up to level 5 - the first level of competitive team (at least for Capital - other gyms had a level 3 and 4 program). I was the youngest on the team - so young, that USAG rules prohibited me from competing. Until I turned seven, I had to watch my teammates compete without me.

Three eventful things occurred during that waiting period.
One: my old coach Andre used to balance me in a handstand on his arm, and a picture of our stunt got published in USAG Magazine.
Two: my first injury. I was fooling around on bars after practice, waiting for Erin or Kelly to finish her practice. I jumped to catch the high bar but slipped off - and made the mistake of trying to catch myself by reaching an arm out behind me. My right shoulder was wrenched, and bam - fractured clavicle. But I ignored the pain and kept my mouth shut. I continued gymnastics and lived the life of a six year old with a fractured collar bone for three days before my cover was blown: I winced when my mom picked me up from under the shoulders. Busted! I somehow thought I'd get in trouble or be forced to quit gymnastics if an authority figure knew. But my worries evaporated when the nice doctor let me pick out a sling. I picked the coolest one of course, the one with COWS on it.
And three: I looked death in the eye and kicked it in the nuts. Varicella pneumonia is a complication of chicken pox - and it has a 50 percent mortality rate. According to my mom's records, I had a fever of 104.9. My eyes were rolling back, I was shaking, and my hands and feet were like ice - I was going into shock. I remember my sister Erin trying to keep me awake on the way to the hospital. She asked me: "what if the little squares on waffles were circles?" I remember thinking really hard about it. It made me giggle. Once in the E.R., I went totally berserk. I started screaming and cussing at everyone and tried to rip out my I.V. Just moments earlier, the doctor had basically told my mom that I wouldn't make it, so this was good. It was a sign that I would fight - and fight I did. A few days later, I was doing my level 5 floor routine in the hospital room, with my I.V. stand dragging behind. I remember watching gymnastics on television with my mom in the room as well. My teammates sent flowers and and a talking Tweety Bird (I still have the latter), but being able to go back to the gym was the greatest gift of all. Actually, I take that back. I got to take home a real stethoscope!

Today, I am left with a scar on my eyebrow from one hell of an infected chicken pock. I'm proud of it! It reminds me to be that little fighter every day of my life. My right shoulder is also scarred - it never healed, after all those years. And I do still have a copy of the USAG Magazine that featured my face. All distant memories, all part of my grand adventure.

Second installment coming soon!

Where it all began!

Bar baby from the start!

The famous USAG photograph.

Open Gym Shenanigans

2010-10-11T19:19:00.000-07:00

I get two hours a week to use the gym. I decided that jumping on trampolines gets really boring, and that it's time for some real gymnastics. I'm determined to get my vault back, and I'm currently in the process of choreographing a floor routine for myself. I don't necessarily know if this means a comeback. It very well could be, but like I said - I only get two hours a week to use the gym.

Special thank yous to: B.J for helping me with my vault setting; Michael for his support, and my mom for filming!

From Student to Coach

2010-10-05T22:02:00.000-07:00

The other day, a five year old student of mine looked me in the eye and told me he did not know how to stand on a mat. I tried to explain to him that there was no difference between standing on the floor and standing on a padded surface, but it did not compute. He lay down on his back.
"Like this?"
"No, I'm asking you to STAND, on your feet, on the cheese mat."
"But I don't know how..."
"Just stand, sweetie, like you're doing now. Only on this mat so you can do a somersault!" He lay down on his belly.
"Like this?"
"No...step onto the mat. One foot, then the other. Just stand!" Each time, he would lay down in a different position and ask if it was right. He could see his classmates doing it correctly, but he still didn't get it. I finally had to pick him up and put him in position (although the next turn he lay down again). The frustration began to build...

Later in the week, I was working on cartwheels with my seven year olds. One girl in particular would roll onto her back each time she tried the skill. I demonstrated over and over how to execute a proper cartwheel, and carefully explained it as well (emphasizing that you stay on your hands). I even carried her through the motions. Yet she still went straight to her back. She was actually doing a timer for a side somi, a level 9/10 skill....but that's beside the point.
"Excuse me. When I showed you how to do a cartwheel, at what point did I roll onto my back?"
"You didn't."
"Okay then."

Finally, today, I almost snapped at one of my students. I'll call her Amy. She has tremendous trouble with skin-the-cats on bars, so I had to spot her heavily. Everyone in the class had to finish ten skin-the-cats. With one eye still on Amy, who began to stare at her feet, I moved on to help the other girls. When I got back to her, about a minute later, she looked at me and told me she had finished ten. This is a beginner class! You're not supposed to start lying until at LEAST level seven! It was unbelievable. To my knowledge, a student has never looked me in the eye and told me a flat out lie before. I told her, very sternly, to never do that again. She began to cry and told me she just couldn't do it by herself.
"Amy, if that's the case then you just need to tell me and I will help you. Lying will never help you! So do not do that again, got it?"
"Yeah..."
Five minutes later, she did it again. She told me she had done five all by herself. I was watching. She didn't even touch the bar.

I'm a bit confused, because I told myself that I would not become like my coaches. I would not be feared, and I would not get angry over silly things like cartwheels. Yet I'm known as the strict rec coach! And I DO feel anger when the gymnast doesn't do something the way I asked! Just like a woman groans about turning into her mother....I groan because I'm turning into my coaches. Obviously I don't take it as far as they did - I would not be able to live with myself if I made my students that miserable! But I'm finally understanding some of their motives, and gaining a little more respect for them.

Transitioning from gymnast to coach has its challenging moments. It's easy to become frustrated when you're doing double layouts one day and have to teach kids how to walk across a balance beam the next. I sometimes have to take a step back and remind myself that I've been doing gymnastics my entire life...these kids are just stepping into the gym; the concepts are entirely new to them. But it's definitely my favorite part of my life right now. It's the best feeling in the world when you open the gym doors and your students come running up to you, nearly knocking you over with hugs. It's even better to see the looks on their faces when they finally get a skill they've been working on. Coaching, without a doubt, has got to be the most rewarding thing I've done with my life so far. Frustration, anger? Trouble children? Totally worth it.

The Big Question

2010-09-27T23:14:00.000-07:00

My best friend Sylvie (see "Meet the Gang" at right) and I would often talk about this for an entire practice.
Why do we spend five hours a day hurling our bodies around in fancy ways, so that we can go to big competitions in special outfits to see who's best at it?
Who on EARTH thought one day: "I'm gonna run full speed at that stationary object and see what happens! And hey, flipping my body around itself is pretty neat, why don't we do it on a raised platform...that's four inches wide?! "
We can thank the ancient dudes for starting all of that, by the way. The word "gymnastics" comes from the Greek word "gymon", which means...naked. Nice.

The other girls would join in:
How can something as small as a toe point separate you from success and total failure?
Why do our coaches exhibit personal fury when, say, our shoulder angle is off by five degrees?
In the grand scheme of things...who cares?! Why does this even matter to us?

We aren't allowed to talk. We aren't allowed to laugh. And gymnasts, there is no way you can say this isn't true: hand-walking, wedgie-picking females win first prize for Most Tears Shed in Athletic History. We hate going to practice. Competitions make us want to puke. We work ourselves until our bodies break and then we work some more. To sum it up: high-level competitive gymnasts are miserable human beings who hate their lives.

So...here's the big question - why do we do it?! After a very long time of pondering this very thing, I have absolutely no clue. But I do have a few thoughts. Read on.

At the beginning, gymnastics teaches you very basic things. Discipline, concentration, strength, flexibility. But the kids who stick with it are introduced to something else, something way cooler - thrill. And with that thrill, unfortunately, comes fear. Fear is constantly hovering over your head. "Don't do it! You'll die!" it says. Some really have died, actually, but being able to kick that fear in the face as you SOAR through the air, twisting and doing the impossible? Oh man. My mom doesn't call me Danger Baby for nothin'.

Another thing I love about gymnastics is that it's extremely scientific. Pure physics! It's all about weight manipulation, angles, application of momentum, and more. Isn't it amazing that we can turn all of that into something beautiful? With our own bodies, no less! Once you truly understand the science behind gymnastics instead of just following directions from a coach, everything becomes clear, and a new appreciation for gymnastics is born. Once I started operating from this perspective, every single move in gym history made perfect sense. I could see the mechanics of gymnastics in my head so vividly, feel it. Don't just memorize how to do a skill. Know why you have to do it that way. This is part of the reason I was willing to try everything - skills are designed to work! So just do it! This was Alex's way of coaching me. I was able to get along with him alright because I could understand what he was really saying. Well, even Einstein would have trouble figuring out his English, but what he really meant. This style of coaching has been heavily infused into my own - it's just physics!

Last, but not least. Gymnastics is the only sport where you are totally alone. There are no balls to catch, no teammates to signal to, etc. When you're out there on the floor, you only have one thing - you. So even though gymnastics is the most freaky, unnatural thing...even though it breaks all the rules of gravity and common sense...it's actually THE most natural thing to do, and it makes the MOST sense. Because it is simply us, simply movement. And movement is a language. So this begs a new question: does gymnastics really speak to us...or do we speak gymnastics?

Gymnasts and muggles (non-magical creatures) alike, I'd love to hear your thoughts and opinions in the handy commenting center below!

Keeping Balance

2010-09-24T12:45:00.000-07:00

To tell the story of my gymnastics career would be to tell the story of my entire life. I have followed gymnastics - or it has followed me - since I was in diapers, and it has never stopped. I think about it day in and day out. If I'm ever staring off into space, I'm imagining the perfect bar routine. Visions of tkachevs and stuck dismounts carry me through the day and help me fall asleep at night.

I no longer make the 35 minute drive to Burke every day for a five hour workout. I don't have to do my pre-practice routine of two inhaler puffs, 4 Advils, anti-inflammatory creams, ice on various joints, and taping of the ankles. Ah, the injuries. Gymnastics brought me a joy that is so out of this world, it would be impossible to describe in an introductory blog post. But it also created a pain and a depression that sunk as deep as the earth's core. Towards the end of my competitive years, it was a constant battle. Injuries and illnesses erased any previous successes, and collegiate scholarships slowly slipped away. I could not function in a place where my passion only caused me pain. After nearly sixteen years as a Capital Gymnastics National Training Center gymnast, I walked away.

It took about three months to realize that something was missing. I stepped back into the gym, but this time in a brand new environment, and from an alternate point of view. I now coach at the gym around the corner - Apollo. I take full advantage of the stellar equipment during open gym hours, and I could not be happier in my new position. I now do gymnastics on my own terms, and that's just how I like it.

Watching international competitions on television still makes me terribly sad and full of regret. I could have been that girl. But I am at peace with what I got out of this sport. First and foremost, the incredible teammates I was lucky enough to have. These girls were my family, and sisterhoods like that never fade. But also, without gym, I don't think I would have realized my calling: orthopedic surgery. The brutal nature of the sport surrounded me with x-rays, MRIs, casts, and crutches. I learned so much about how the body works, and why sometimes it doesn't. I filled my bookshelves with anatomy textbooks and workbooks, and became the unofficial team doc. I never gave a wrong diagnoses. Even if I didn't make the national team, that's enough for me.

So, I've created a blog. Its aim is to simply talk about gymnastics and provide a peek into its crazy world.

The grips I learned my first release moves in hang on my bedroom wall. The team jacket I took All Around State gold medals home in hangs next to them. And even though I no longer compete, I still consider myself a gymnast - always. For right now, at least, it's all about keeping balance.